The Fightins'
Aug
17
2010
Today’s edition of incredibly awesome Pat Burrell stories…
Posted by at 9:02 am ET 24 Comments

Nude, Wet Pat Burrell Once Rescued Aubrey Huff from Doldrums*: In what might just be the greatest newspaper article written this year, Andrew Baggerly of the Mercury News found out that the reason Giants 1B/LF/RF Aubrey Huff is the man/ballplayer he is today is because of one Patrick Brian Burrell. You see, when they were teammates at The U in college, Huff was a shy fellow who was thinking of leaving school. Then this happened: “[My mom]‘s in my room one night and I’m sitting on my bed and she’s telling me to give [Miami University] another two weeks. Anyway, there’s a knock on the door, and before I can even get off the bed, Pat comes barging in with a six-pack in his hand, dripping wet, buck naked. So I jumped up and shut the door. Coming from Texas, these things didn’t happen. I said, ‘See what I’m dealing with here, Mom? She just started laughing and said, ‘Actually, Aubrey, that’s pretty darn funny.’ I thought, ‘My God, if my mom can laugh at this, why can’t I?’” Read the rest of it, sucker [Mercury News]

*bolded headline-thing ripped straight from Walkoff Walk because it was so good

      Read More:
  • http://twitter.com/j_tee_r Jdashdog

    And then Pat Burrell banged Aubrey’s mom.

  • Amandah

    In his other hand was a box of condoms.

    Regards,

    Amandah

  • http://www.twitter.com/jondgc Jon

    Damnit J-Dash! I made that joke like half an hour ago on my Twitter.*

    *And it was at that exact moment that Jon realized just how dumb Twitter was.

  • D. Whitmore

    the man

  • Franchise

    Thats where he got the nickname ”the bat” from

  • bigmyc

    Sounds like a Hornitos commercial in the making.

  • http://www.twitter.com/jondgc Jon

    Franchise +1

  • http://jtramsay.com J T. Ramsay

    Two words describe Pat Burrell’s place in Philadelphia history: folk hero.

  • http://www.walkoffwalk.com Rob I.

    Baggarly asked Burrell to make sure that incident actually happened but Burrell couldn’t specifically isolate it. Barging into a teammate’s room nude with a six-pack of beer is what Pat now calls “Tuesday night”.

  • http://www.the701level.com Gil Thorpe

    PAT THE BART SON LEGIT

  • bacon

    To elaborate on Jdash’s point – here’s the REAL story:

    “[My mom]‘s in my room one night and I’m sitting on my bed and she’s telling me to give [Miami University] another two weeks. Anyway, there’s a knock on the door, and before I can even get off the bed, Pat comes barging in with a six-pack in his hand, dripping wet, buck naked. So I jumped up to shut the door, but before i could my Mom grabbed Pat and pushed me out of the room. Long story short, my half brother is now 13, can hit a baseball a country mile, and already gets more poon than Wilt Chamberlain.”

  • SquirrelBoy

    I want him back in left.. I cry myself to sleep knowing he’s giving joy to other people instead of doing all of the tri-state area…

  • Nikita

    “Dear Penthouse,

    One evening I was visiting my son at his college dorm, when we heard a knock on the door…”

  • http://twitter.com/j_tee_r Jdashdog

    Haha Nikita wins

  • Matt Stairs

    This is that type of story that you’d have to think was BS…if anyone other than Pat The Bat was involved that is!

    It’s stuff like this that has made him such a beloved figure in the tri-state area, despite the bad batting slumps he often had on the field.

    His leadership role simply cannot be understated, and he could make even the most joyless stonefaced person laugh.

    The guys fucking insane, and his absence has been sorely felt this year.

  • bigmyc

    See, the Hornitos commercial is the one where the dude answers his friend’s phone by accident and his mom is on the other end and ……

  • Greenman!

    @Matt Stairs I was thinking exactly the same thing, if it was anyone else but Pat I wouldn’t believe it

  • Eric

    “Yeah, that’s pretty much how it happened,” he said. “I was looking for the shampoo. There wasn’t any in the shower. Obviously, I didn’t know his mom was in there.”

    Long pause.

    “I don’t know how the six-pack got in my hands.”

    Pat’s the best, end of story.

  • Phils Phan

    He deserves an ear-shattering welcome when announced (but nothing more).

  • Pat Burrell

    Listen.

    If you learned you were getting a roommate named “Aubrey”, you, too, would have shown up, naked, guns a’ blazin’.

    Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you get a dude with a girl’s name.

  • bigmyc

    Hmmmm…Nude. Wet. Bearing alcohol. School dorm room. New, vulnerable kid.

    If you add this up, it could very well paint another picture of, “the Bat.”

    If there was a policeman’s hat thrown in there it would make it clear.

    Maybe he was just going through a phase.

  • Wes Chamberlain

    Pat probably forgot it was Huff’s room. He was probably just looking for girls to rape.

  • Jason Michaels

    Meh, that’s an old one.

    Betcha never heard of the time he busted into my dorm and was “surprised” to see me chillin’ with a surfer dude buddy of mine.

  • Shamels Raul Wertiz-Brown

    I miss Pat the Bat’s ass.
    That is all.

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