The Fightins'
May
14
2013
Things Ben Revere Did Once
Posted by at 10:30 am ET 4 Comments

Yeah, yeah, yeah everyone knows Ben Revere hasn’t exactly been knockin’ the cover off the ball this year.

He’s got a slash line of .237/.286/.263, an OPS of .548 and an OPS+ of 50 (cool stats). Also, maybe you know he’s got no (0) dingers ever in his MLB career. He’s gone 1,193 consecutive plate appearances without hitting a baseball over a wall in fair territory. For the love of god the guy even runs a million miles an hour and hasn’t even gotten an inside-the-parker (to be fair, though, even the fastest person in the universe can’t go from home to home without hitting the ball past the infield dirt).

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But hey, let’s not go too hard him! He may not have hit a home run before, but he has accomplished other physical feats! Plenty of ‘em! 

Ben Revere may literally be the only non-pitcher professional baseball player who can’t hit a baseball more than 150 feet in the air, but there are other things he can do besides that!

I could’ve gone on and on and made a list of almost 26 (WOW) things he can do, but I decided to stop at 25 because most of you people have jobs you need to attend to and can’t be distracted for hours:

1. Ben Revere once lifted 10 pounds completely over his head!

2. Ben Revere once carried two completely full gallon milk jugs at the same time!

3. Ben Revere once knocked over this tree in his grandmom’s backyard  with a wiffleball bat!

4. Ben Revere once lifted one side of the couch! Yes, that is right he lifted an entire side of the couch so his mom could vacuum up some rainbow goldfish he spilled!

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5. Ben Revere once hopped a chain-link fence barefoot!

6. Ben Revere once jumped up and touched the ceiling in the kitchen with his palm!

7. Ben Revere once stayed up past midnight on a school night even after his dad said he better not!

8. Ben Revere once watched an entire episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills without complaining a single time!

9. Ben Revere once threw a rock at a bird!

10. Ben Revere once took a pic of his girlfriend when she was asleep!

11. Ben Revere once swam all the way from one side of the pool to the other without taking a breath!

12. Ben Revere once drove the car from the mailbox to the garage!

13. Ben Revere once ate a jalapeño!

14. Ben Revere once added an “F” in front of his art history homework! (fart homework)

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15. Ben Revere once drank a beer!

16. Ben Revere once wore shorts in the snow!

17. Ben Revere once threw up this one time at the King of Prussia mall!

18. Ben Revere once rode over this dead squirrel on his bike!

19. Ben Revere once sat in the back of the truck when Ryan’s dad drove to the tennis courts!

20. Ben Revere once ate a grape at ShopRite befoe he paid for it!

21. Ben Revere once connected three straws to make like a really long straw to drink his sister’s Sprite!

22. Ben Revere once bought Wolf Pack Bang Snaps!

23. Ben Revere got a TV in his own room!

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24. Ben Revere once took this really big slapshot and put a hole in the net maybe because there was a hole in it already but it probably wasn’t big enough to put the orange ball through before!

25. Ben Revere once got Kevin Sefcik’s autograph at Wawa!

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  • http://twitter.com/hipsterboner Feels Goodman

    wow

  • http://twitter.com/jim_entwistle Jim Entwistle

    Witless drivel

  • http://www.facebook.com/txhx6 Tim Hendricks

    Where’s meach?!? This was really weak guys… :-/

  • john matrix

    He once lifted weights with the guy from jurassic park

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