What happened?

You know cot damn well what happened. 

The bats failed to show up against Josh Johnson and Ed Rapuano is a shitdick.

Who did what?

Jamie Moyer (L, 10-9) went 5 innings, gave up some weak hits, sweated a lot, and probably just lost his spot in the rotation.

Jimmy Rollins went 2 for 4 with a run scored after serving up some wooder ice at Rita’s:

Shane Victorino managed to get thrown out from center field by the aforementioned shitdick Rapuano.

Ryan Howard hit into two of the oddest, hardest hit double plays I have ever seen in my life and struck out looking on a ball that was just above his shoe laces.

Josh Johnson (W, 11-2) pitched 6 innings and then slipped Ed Rapuano a finski after the game.

Chris Coghlan went 4 for 6 with a couple RBI and earned the praise of Chris Wheeler. Over and over again.

Chris Wheeler celebrated a birthday (64) and got a cake with a muffin on it from Sarge Matthews:

Wes Helms hit a home run (2) and continues to annoy the shit out of everyone who watched him play for the Phillies.

Kyle Kendrick retired a major league batter.

What does this mean?

Figure it out for yourself, fucker.

What’s next for our heroes?

A day off.

Bonus baseball!

Fuck this guy: