[Citizen's Bank Park, Monday afternoon team practice]

Charlie Manuel: Kendrick! Just the man I was looking for. Let’s mosey on over to my office for a chat.

Kyle Kendrick: Be right there, Skip, just let me throw one more pitch. [Kendrick throws and gives up three earned runs despite nobody on base] OK, I’m ready.

[In Manuel's office]

CM: Well, son, there ain’t no good way to say it, so I’ll just say it: You’re being pulled from Wednesday night’s start against the Braves. Happ here’s going to take your place.

KK: Oh, come on, Skip! Look, I know I’ve struggled a bit lately but don’t you think this is kind of hasty? My numbers on the road are bound to improve, and — wait a second…

CM: What?

KK: I see what you’re up to. Very clever, Skip.

CM: What’s clever?

KK: Let me guess: You call me in here like you did last time, when you told me I was getting traded to Japan, you watch me shit my pants, and then Brett Myers falls out from behind that plant over there with a camcorder and everybody starts laughing their ass off.

CM: Ain’t no joke, son. Look around. Myers ain’t even here.

KK: HA HA HA HA HA! I can’t believe I was about to fall for that again! You guys are good. You are really, really…

KK: Ah-ha, ha ha…

KK: Um… Happ?

[Happ stares awkwardly at the floor]

KK: Oh, you fuckers. [Storms out]

CM: That reminds me… [picks up phone, dials number of Yomiuri Giants GM] Konnichiwa,  Makato-san! You still interested in that right-hander? Alright then, same deal as before: two jars of wasabi, a rub-and-tug girl for the players and he’s all yours. Domou; pleasure doin’ business with you!