Well, all but one. The guy 95% of Philadelphians were ready to anoint as the new closer as soon as Brad Lidge started fucking up, Ryan Madson.

For some reason, ever since our eighth inning specialist was handed the closer’s role after Lidge landed on the DL with a “bum knee”, Ryan Madson been getting knocked around the park like he has “#57 Taschner” on the back of his jersey.

Check out his line since he blew a save against Toronto on June 16th (and I swear to God if any of you fucks talk about a small sample size, I’m gonna track you down by your IP address and punch you in the neck):

6 games, 0-2 record, an NL leading 3 blown saves (in six appearances!), 7.94 ERA, and a little over three baserunners allowed PER INNING. Meanwhile, opponents are batting .346 against him with a .485 OBP, .731 SLG%, and an insane 1.216 OPS.

The question remains though — WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

There are plenty of theories floating around, but if you ask me, Madson has to stop relying on his fastball so much — ESPECIALLY that cutter that hasn’t been cutting since the first month of the season — and get back to throwing the pitch that got him a spot on a major league roster to begin with, that beautiful changeup of his.  I mean, you have a pitch in your arsenal that was the most swung at and missed pitch (percentage-wise) out of any major league pitcher in 2008, and instead of putting hitters away with it, you choose to throw that flat fastball over the middle of the plate to say, a Brian Roberts (hypothetically, of course) with 2 outs and a runner on base while you’re up a run in the bottom of the ninth.

As a matter of fact, I’m sure that’s the reason.

Take a look at this little statistical nugget dug up by Jayson Stark courtesy of those pitch-tracking geeks over at Inside Edge:

Ryan Madson hasn’t gotten a single swing-and-miss on his fastball since Lidge was placed on the DL.

Read that again.  NOT ONE. That’s kinda pathetic.

So Ryan, pretty please, with a fucking cherry on top, start throwing more changeups and stop throwing so many cot damn fastballs.

Your pal,
meechie

Full interview:

…But that doesn’t mean the Rangers don’t have some interesting pieces on their shelves. Step right up and make an offer for Vicente Padilla, Kevin Millwood, Hank Blalock, Marlon Byrd, Frank Catalanotto or Gerald Laird.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2004 Philadelphia Phillies 2008 Texas Rangers!

(*In all fairness, Padilla is 12-5 this year. That’s far from mediocre.)

Excerpts from Stark’s article:

…In the offseason between the 2006 and 2007 seasons, the people who run the Phillies seriously debated whether to bring their manager back, even after two consecutive seasons in which Manuel’s team stayed in the race into the final weekend…

…You sure don’t hear that old “Charlie from Mayberry” talk about him anymore — not after the Phillies charged back from seven games out with 17 to play last September. And especially not after the events of last Thursday…

…Manuel probably has no idea how much buzz he created inside his own industry with that benching of [Jimmy Rollins]. He should hear the stuff being said about him by people all over the sport. Stuff like: “I’m now a huge Charlie Manuel fan.” And: “Only Charlie could have pulled that off…”

Come on, I’ve always supported Uncle Cholly, haven’t you? Liar.

In my post, I correctly assumed that, “what Ryan Howard did [last] week has got to be a first in the history of the sport.” The only thing I was missing was proof. So I pleaded to stat gods, “Can someone get the Elias Sports Bureau on the blower?”

And like a nerdy-bat signal, my call was answered.

Playing the role of superhero was Ex-Phillies beat writer for the Philadelphia Inquirer and current ESPN senior writer, Jayson Stark.

(After the jump, check out what he dug up…)

In his blog entry from yesterday, Jayson gave my finding (along with the proof) top billin’. (What more can I say?) He put his “official Useless Info streak guru” Trent McCotter on the case. What he found was, dating back to ’68, no player has ever done what Howard accomplished(?) last week. In fact, the longest streak he could find was 16 (as opposed to Howard’s 20) — and that was done by two pitchers, Jim Hannan & Vida Blue. The longest streak by a position player was 14. A four-way tie between Gorman Thomas, Jack Clark, Mark McGwire & Travis Hafner. So Ryan Howard didn’t just set the record, he destroyed it.

I’ve always been a huge fan of Jayson Stark and feel honored that he even looked at a post I made. A shout-out in a Stark post — for me, at least — is the equivalent of an independent musician getting a nod in their favorite bands liner notes.

(Although, Jayson, a nice little link from your column couldn’t have hurt.)

Ryan Howard’s All-or-Nothing Week [Bugs & Cranks]
With Howard up, no need for a mitt [ESPN (Insider only)]

Click the thumbnail below for the Stark blurb that includes a shout to yours truly:

Before I get into the statistically impossible week that Mr. Howard had, here is the excerpt from Jayson Stark’s ESPN Blog that sorta brought this to my attention:

Crazy, right? btw, those kind of off-the-wall stats are the reason I’ve been reading Jayson Stark since I was in grade school. But, what Ryan Howard did this week besides that game is truly remarkable and has got to be a first in the history of the sport.

During a stretch that lasted from the 8th inning of a game vs the Cardinals on 6/24 to the 8th inning of the first game vs. the Mets on 6/29, Ryan Howard went 20 straight at-bats either registering a home run, walk or strikeout. NOTHING ELSE. No groundouts, no flyouts, no singles, no doubles – NOTHING. Only HR’s, K’s or BB’s — 2 HR’s, 5 BB’s & 13 punchouts, to be exact.

Can someone get the Elias Sports Bureau on the blower? Isn’t this the kinda stuff they salivate over?

Anyhoo, if you don’t believe me, here are the at-bat logs from all twenty of his all-or-nothing trips to the plate from the past week.

6/24
Intentional ball, Intentional ball, Intentional ball, Howard intentionally walked.

Strike swinging, Ball, Foul, Ball, Howard struck out swinging.

6/26
Ball, Strike looking, Howard homered to right, Rollins scored.

Ball, Strike looking, Strike swinging, Howard struck out looking.

Ball, Strike swinging, Strike looking, Howard struck out looking.

Strike looking, Ball, Strike looking, Howard struck out swinging.

Strike looking, Foul, Foul, Ball, Ball, Ball, Howard struck out swinging.

6/27
Foul, Ball, Ball, Ball, Howard walked.

Foul, Foul, Ball, Howard struck out swinging.

Howard homered to center, Dobbs and Utley scored.

Strike looking, Ball, Foul, Howard struck out swinging.

Ball, Strike looking, Foul, Howard struck out looking.

6/28
Ball, Strike looking, Strike swinging, Howard struck out looking.

Foul, Ball, Strike looking, Howard struck out swinging.

Ball, Ball, Ball, Howard walked.

Strike looking, Ball, Strike swinging, Ball, Utley stole second, Ball, Howard walked.

Strike swinging, Ball, Strike swinging, Ball, Ball, Howard struck out swinging.

6/29
Ball, Strike looking, Pickoff attempt to first, Ball, Strike swinging, Howard struck out looking.

Ball, Ball, Strike swinging, Foul, Ball, Howard struck out swinging.

Ball, Strike looking, Ball, Ball, Strike looking, Howard walked, Utley to second.