I’m going to give it you straight here, because I care about you and treasure your friendship: the Phillies aren’t really that good at baseball right now. AND, this season may turn out to be quite a slog. I know, tough news to hear. I’m not saying that there’s no hope of us turning things around–I mean after all, we have ROY MOTHERDUCKING HALLADAY–it’s just that, things tend to look reallllly bleak after you lose three out of four to the Pirates.
But I checked with the Pope and, no matter how bad we suck, we’re still allowed to make fun of the Mets.
So here’s a scouting report for the upcoming series.
Feels like, “A cup in the middle of the sea.”
Who does this guy think he is with his dumb goalie masks, Grant Fuhr? Go screw. A lefty, he’s beatable low stick side.
Jesus Christ, is every player on the Mets a big, lumbering white guy with a beard? I mean, I assume Lucas Duda has a beard. He has a beard, right? This is the Mets we’re talking about so I’ll be damned if I’m doing the leg work on this one. YOU DO IT. Pretty sure he has a beard, though.
David Wright is kind of awesome as much as I hate to say it but I can’t ever forget this giant helmet sorry no offense.
“Lived in Cape Suzette and was a pilot!”
Known to bite his own toenails… before showering.
See also: White guy, big; lumbering
If they make a film about the 2013 Mets, either Selena Gomez or Kima Greggs from The Wire will be cast as Ruben Tejada:
Was, HILARIOUSLY, still a BALCO/Victor Conte client as late as last June when he–SURPRISE!–got suspended for using a product known for solely its ability to mask steroids. I don’t even have a joke here, I just wanted to point out how brainless Marlon Byrd is.
I actually don’t know a single thing about Colin Cowgill other than the fact that reading his name immediately made me want to photoshop a cow wearing a snorkel mask:
This guy blows, which is good for us, but I genuinely hope he finds his way back into the Anchorman sequel.
Still grinding, baby!
Was born in 1972 and has played for ever major league baseball team not named the Phillies. LaTroy Hawkins is literally so old that a picture of him and his family appears as the first Google result for his name.
God, that was such a good scouting report!
Stay tuned for Chris’ game thread. And welcome back The Fightins, we truly appreciate it.
- 700 Level
- Crashburn Alley
- High Cheese
- House That Glanville Built
- Philadelphia Will Do
- Philled In
- Philly Gameday
- Philly Gossip
- Phoul Ballz
- The Good Phight
- The Insider
- The Zo Zone
- Where's Weems?
- Who Does He Play For?
- Zoo With Roy