The Fightins'
MLB Quote of the Year: Matt Stairs
Posted by at 8:30 am ET 47 Comments

According to his post-game quotes, Matt Stairs must be into some freaky celebratory shit. Following the 2-run blast that made Jonathan Broxton the new old-Brad Lidge, he had this to say:

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done.”

Hey, I’m not here to judge, Matt. Do whatcha gotta.

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  • Matt P

    When Matt Stairs commits felonies, he prefers federal “pound me in the ass” prison.

  • Mr. Bryan

    The writers of “Always Sunny” must do Matts quotes now.

  • Mark

    Instant Philly Legend

  • Chamomiles Davis

    The Dodgers got their asses hammered pretty hard, too.

  • zack

    the other great stairs quote, “I’m just trying to hit homeruns, I’m not gonna hit a single and steal second”

  • JasonB

    That is friggin classic.

  • Jimmy Morcaldi

    I thought Kruk was the best quotable Phillie ever but I think he just took a back door to the Stairs.

  • Mike

    This man says he has the most fun when he’s “seeing how far he can hit it”… In technical terms: Pretty goddamn far, Matt!

  • D’MOney

    We weren’t getting “hammered”. It was “just the tip”. It was LA who took it up the rear, balls DEEP!!!

  • Norm

    I’m going to make sure his hockey players at John Bapst (he’s their coach) have this for the season.

  • Dave Vanhorn

    Who doesn’t prefer a nice ass hammering every now and then.

  • Trevor Lewis

    Shit Dave…I know I do!!

  • Mike J

    The scary thing about major league baseball today is the number of otherplayers equally as selfish and self centered who probably feel and act the same way Stairs does, who show it in their actions and just aren’t quite stupid enough to verbalize it. There is a reason why the guy has bounced around for the past 20 years up and down, Nashville, Toronto, Kansas City, Milwaukee, who hasn’t he played for and who would question why he doesn’t feel a part of the team. At 45 or how ever old he is, he’s just trying to maximize an opportunity to earn a pay check before he goes back to minimum wage.

  • Mike

    Must be Angels fans above me here…Maybe Trevor and Dave should hook up.

  • LT

    I’m not even sure I know what Mike J is talking about. And did Jimmy M intend to say “back door” or was that a Freudian slip?

  • Bryan

    uhhhh? uhhh? wha? naaa! He didn’t just…..?

  • Generic Fan Group

    Matt Stairs can say whatever he wants as long as he comes off the bench and bashes the ball

  • Gonzo

    Dont listen to Mike J. I wont let him take the air out of my balloon.

  • Pitmanite

    “Mike J, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this comment board is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

  • Generic Fan Group

    Mike J just made my head hurt

  • Tracy

    Mike J needs his ass hammered.

  • Billyfromsphilly

    Matty Ballgame is the MAN! Let say whatever he wants. He has jioined the legends of Philly FOREVER!!! Tommy LaSorda wishes he was Matt Stairs.


    Matt Stairs is just like everyone else. He is trying to make a living the best way he knows how. I loved it last night when he hit the ball out of the park. The fact that he made a ‘stupid’ statement does not take away from the joy I got from the go ahead run. Let’s face it, reporters ask the most stupid questions at the most inappropiate times anyway. I’m sure the adrenolin was pumping.

  • Scotty

    That comment was low-hanging fruit. Hilarious thread.

  • Kris K.

    Matt Stairs is just trying to be a little funny because he felt good after the win he didn’t think the Phillies would get, and now the media sees this and always acts as a 15 year old immature kid and spreads more useless jokes on how this can be more hilarious than it is. There is just jealousy from the media because sports has there fraternity, and they can’t do the same things players do and the media hates it.

  • Kris K.


  • How do you spell retard?

    Hammered in the ass? As long as they have the goddamn common courtesy to give a reach-around.
    /R. Lee Ermey’d

  • Tom

    Mike J, comment #13, you are an idiot and you should be banned from ever using a computer again. You’re absolutely clueless. The reason Stairs bounced around from team to team is cause he’s a one tool guy who’s been past his prime since Oakland. He still has the ability to hit with power, so teams will take him as a lefty stick off the bench. His teammates actually like him wherever he goes, look it up if you wish.

  • Marcus

    I have listened to this over 10 times and it is still funny

  • Jeremy14

    @ Kris K — Dude, shut it, you’re a TOOL!!

  • Sharona

    It truly does suck when you say something that hilarious and have idea that you’re saying it. Bottom line, he was the hero of the day, have at him all you want, he still won the game!!!

  • sam

    Stairs strikes me as a guy whose been around so long that he doesn’t care to repeat all the boring baseball aphorisms that most players say when they are interviewed after a good game.

    I don’t think he’s being selfish in his approach…you think that this is news to Gillick and Charlie?
    Every team wants a guy on the bench that is swinging for the fences. He even said that he liks pinch hitting, which is a very selfless position for most players to have, because it usually means they don’t get starts.

    I find it hilarious how frank he was last night in his interviews. He really endeared himself to me.

  • kevin L

    that is the greatest thing i have ever seen on the internet well execpt for porn of course

  • Kris K.

    @ Jeremy14 – a tool? lol wow

  • Ryan Thomas

    I was watching that interview last night and was laughing and thought to myself that quote was going to blow up. HILARIOUS. lets go phils!

  • joe schome


  • red fox

    mike j – get alife join PETA

  • red fox


  • The Sports Hernia

    At night, Matt Stairs rests his head on a pillow case full of cheesesteaks.


    This is terrific! I have been a Matt Stairs fan since his Oakland days; when he was on that Animal-House team with Giambi, Mulder, Hudson, Tejada…etc….I always joke with my friends when he went to the National league, and had to play the field….he was probably out in Left Field, enjoying a Marlboro, then somebody hits it down the line…..”Shit, gotta go get this thing…” then throws the cig down and throws it in…His physique is on the B-plan – Butts(cigs or ass-hammering ), beers, and brats!! I love this guy

  • Mike

    MATT STAIRS 3:16-


  • maria

    F*%@!!! i just outed myself on national T.V.!!! Sorry honey.


    Stairs is just getting his ass warmed up for the Rays to cum in and tear his ass apart.

  • SCCAflagger

    Stairs 3:16 says I just belted that pitch.

    Hit Homers

  • Tizoc

    Coincidentally, Matt Stairs used to have Stone Cold Steve Austin’s WWE theme as his at-bat music at Oakland.

  • no contract cellphones

    my friend was watching that interview last night and was laughing and thought to himself that quote was going to blow up. HILARIOUS. well you go phils!

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