The Fightins'
Oct
18
2010
Joe Buck is a whore
Posted by at 12:02 am ET 59 Comments

Being a lazy man like myself, I do not have the energy to watch the game and listen to the Phillies broadcast. But I am quickly finding it necessary to accommodate myself in this fashion.

After suffering through the brutally anonymous announcers of the NLDS on TBS, we are now subject to Tim McCarver and Joe Buck. Tim McCarver is a fucking cartoon, and the epitome of bland commentary. Really, Tim, Shane Victorino runs fast? Balls, that’s insightful. I can live with ignoring you, you’re just a stupid bumpkin (As a side note: Any grown man that refers to someone named Tim as Timmy or call themselves Timmy is a fucking pussy). Tim McCarver is like the grandparent you don’t call because their pre-dementia conversation is unenlightening. Nursing home Timmy is avoidable.

Joe Buck is a major fuckin’ clog in my brain’s ability to enjoy the auditory signals beaming from my TV. The ultimate corporate stooge, sucking the cock of Rupert Murdoch’s FOX (during this Internet age, anyone without a firewall can see a fox’s cock being sucked, jack it, and go back to work. That’s what 15 minute breaks are for). I don’t want to hear an empty shell of a commercial skank like  Joe Buck on his knees for 3 hours reminding us “It’s a good day for Philadelphia sports fans. Der, da Eagles won today!”. That’s great, if you care for the Eagles (my NFL fandom is now essentially KSK’s coverage of the NFL and Peter King’s ineptitude). I don’t really give a fuck, I want to hear about the Phillies. Every fucking 5 seconds we were reminded that the Eagles won, serving some sort of hacky comedian segue into NFL coverage.

Yes, Joe. The Eagles are part of the NFC, and FOX has the rights to NFC games, you fucking simpleton. The Phillies are now on FOX for the NLCS. Instead of treating this as a simple correlation, you beat this “great day for Philadelphia sports fans” phrase into the ground. Like the corporate whore you are, you just needed to satisfy Papa Rupert so he could shoot his man love all over your face, just like you like it. Like an epileptic hooker,  you stroked the cock of FOX faster and faster every time you used that cotdamn phrase.

Where is Artie Lange when we need him?

Where is Jack Buck? Where is Harry Kalas when we need them? We are stuck with a whorish generation of announcers whose main concern is plugging other programming, human sandwich boards with no integrity whatsoever.

With announcers like Joe Buck, the real question is where is Jack Kevorkian when we need him?

Fuck Joe Buck. Fuck him and his commercials and his slutty way of carrying himself. Fuck his average NFL announcing and average MLB play by play. Fuck his failure of a talk show. Fuck his designer glasses and middle-aged white guy hair cut. Fuck a vanilla personality being offered as the symbol of announcing competence.

Fuck Buck. Also, congratulations to Roy Oswalt on his stellar pitching performance.

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  • http://idontgiveaschmidt.com Adam Eaton

    Joe Buck. The only person I hate more than myself.

  • Ray Finkle

    DIE DAN DIE

  • http://sportsnutblogs.blogspot.com AnimaniacZero

    You have spoken the words that I would never have the man parts to say. Dead serious. Never.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eih4rqhy1p4 What Would Mike Sweeney Do?
  • Lynniemac

    *standing ovation*

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Sorry.

    Joe Buck does suck, but Artie Lange is an even bigger waste of skin.

  • John

    yes

  • BigMiles

    I don’t hate Joe as much as most, but I find it a little disheartening that I will look back to my prime Philly sports viewing years and realize that Buck called most of the action. Not Keith Jackson or Brent Musberger or Jack Buck. Joe Buck. Doesn’t seem right.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    I know I’m a perv. but it could have been better with tits.

  • http://www.twitter.com/Rebel_scum87 Mrs. HDYSR?

    I want to meet the eplileptic hooker.

  • Greg

    We need Artie Lang

  • bigjohnphilly

    joe buck is a ball less dick less douche bag. and tim mc carver is a new york met loving judas that only played on the phillies cause he was carltons personal catcher. i wish deone sanders would have drowned his stupid ass when he dumped that water on him.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Mrs.HDYSR? if you would just be a little more giving Howdy wouldn’t have the need to know an epileptic hooker.

  • http://brandy101.blogdrive.com brandy101

    I have been complaining about Joe Suck for over 3 years now. I refer to him as “The Debbie Downer of Baseball Announcing.” He seems to have little to no interest in giving a shit about the Phillies (or learning anything about them, despite calling their playoff and series games all these years.)

    Also, he has a freakishly-shaped head.

    The only good thing is that when a game stalls, Buck will start in with his prediction of demise and then just like that, WHAM, someone will smack a homer or better and shut his @$$ up. He’s like a jinx in reverse.

  • PHLinPDX

    I don’t think it’s so much that he doesn’t give a shit about the phillies (he doesn’t) but it just seems like he doesn’t even like baseball.

  • jroo

    The true mark of a terrible baseball announcer is when they will tell you the strike after a foul ball. *ball hit foul* Joe Buck: “Strike one”. It creates drama where there is absolutely no drama. I guess he has a job because of his daddy.

  • Joe Buck

    That is a disgusting act!

    Over the MIDDLE!

  • rhymeface

    LOL @ “Eplileptic Hooker”

  • ScottRuffcorn

    Great stuff but needs the rack at the end!

  • http://sportsnutblogs.blogspot.com AnimaniacZero

    Did we all forget about his godawful combover? I know I didn’t. His combover sucks too.

  • Anthony

    I hear TMZ is Joe Buck’s favorite website…

  • celek’s concussion

    complaining about announcers is so boring

  • FLATTOPPER

    Joe Buck, really does suck, hates the Phil’s and is always on the negative side, makes ya want to puck your foot through the TV, and I don’t miss that other fuckin loser from TBS (Braves Lover ) another hand me down son who sucks.

  • Maera

    @15

    I remember that comment he made about not enjoying baseball anymore and that he would rather be watching the Bachelorette.

    We all remember 2008 and his constant predictions of a Tampa Bay comeback and his neverending praise of the Rays players.

    He hates Philly. He doesn’t like the Phillies and he definitely hates the Birds so fuck that guy.

  • http://www.lpassociation.com Derek

    So I guess I wasn’t the only one who seemed the notice the apparent bias towards the Giants in yesterday’s announcing then? Okay good.

  • http://www.lpassociation.com Derek

    *to notice. Damn typos.

  • lebowski

    A classic McCarver line was in the ’08 playoffs when Victorino made a catch against the Best Buy sign in the OF. He said something so cheezy like, “It’s fitting that Victorino made the catch against the Best Buy sign, because he is the best buy.”

  • Stevie Janowski

    who cares about joe buck, the mother fu*king phils won. It did piss me off though when joe buck said sat night pat the bat was never fully appreciated in philly.

  • Dutch Daulton’s Leftover Hair

    my comb over has been looking fuller

  • spacecoyote

    All I ever encounter are apoplectic hookers. Damn.

  • chris h

    As much Buck sucks, T-Mac is the same way. Very bland and whoring out the company. There’s only so many times I can hear “Safe and Secure on Second” or another Thirst Inning. God, I miss Harry. That would be sacrilegious for him to say.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Right. Because T-Mac gets commissioned for whoring out Budweiser and New York Life. Oh! And he also makes those little logos appear at the bottom of the screen!

    Not only did Harry advertise, he’d be doing them now if he were still here.

    That’s logistics!

  • Cola Classic

    Took the words right out of my mouth HDYSR. I hate how FOX has all the rights to the big sporting events specifically because of of this asshole. When his dad died last year… probably because he couldn’t stand how he created someone so fucking annoying. Alright that was a little much, but still.

  • http://www.twitter.com/Proto_Man Captain Awesome

    I remember when Harry would advertise for Celebre’s Pizza just to get some. Good times.

  • Matt

    I hate Joe Buck as much as the next guy, but it’s not up to him when he plugs advertisers. He’s got certain times every game when he’s gotta plug an advertiser (like the “Thirst Inning” on Phillies broadcasts, for example), and he’s got a producer talking in his ear the entire game telling him what he needs to do/say/plug/etc.

    Fuck Joe Buck, he’s terrible and boring to listen to, and my dog can tell me more about baseball than he can, but it’s dumb to complain about him reading advertising shit.

  • stuck in pittsburgh

    as much as i freaking hate joe buck, i think the best line last night came out of good ‘ol timmy’s mouth..
    “cody ross used to want to be a rodeo clown, but there has been nothing funny about his at bats.”
    to which joe replied, “wow- that was a dangerous job.”

    are you serious, fox!? i can’t be subjected to this torture much longer.
    also, i understand that lincecum has a blister, wart, alien on his middle finger, but do we really need to see a close up of him picking at it?

  • bigmyc

    Maybe you just need to lighten up.

    It may all be true of Buck and the Kindegarten Reading Time Teacher next to him, but why blame them?

    Just blame FOX. Apparently, FOX doesn’t think that much of it’s audience and it’s understanding of the game so it has it’s announcers prepare accordingly…

    ..and then there’s the bloated corporate pandering…but…

  • Mike P

    I threw a party during game 1, and one of the guests was the German roommate of one of my friends. My friend asked that I help explain the game. I started by saying, “The first thing you should know is that you should never listen to these announcers. They don’t know the first fucking thing about baseball.” This is telling.

  • stop whining

    For what it’s worth Buck was asked about his “philly hatred” by Harry Mayes and Tony Bruno

    http://www.975thefanatic.com/teams/phillies/blogentry.aspx?BlogEntryID=10152251

  • James Fayleez

    I wonder if it kills Wheeler to know that someone he mentored is now a national broadcaster and he’s still a local color guy. I mean, you can hear the stink of Wheeler on McCarver every time he says, “Jonathan San-chez or Carlos Roo-iz.”

    “Now Tim, make sure you stress certain parts of the SPanish guy’s name. It makes you sound more intelligent….”

    And he takes telling you something obvious to whole other level.

    Maybe that’s why he moved past Wheeler….

  • WorldEffingChampions

    maybe he moved past Wheeler because he actually played the game. Wheels never owned a glove except for the one he yanks it with.

  • http://whodoesheplayfor.wordpress.com/ photographerN

    Here’s my imitation of Joe Buck announcing from the booth in Philadelphia: “Cheesesteak, cheesesteak, Rocky, Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin, cheesesteak, Rocky, Rocky, Liberty Bell. Ha Ha Ha”.
    And what the fuck is up with Tim McCarver NEVER acknowledging that he EVER played for the Phillies? He played here for NINE YEARS, for Christ’s sakes, as the personal catcher for one of the greatest pitchers to play the game. He talks about playing for St. Louis and catching Bob Gibson. He finished his career here and yet he talks as though he’s never been to Philadelphia outside of announcing a post-season game.

    I fucking hate them both.

  • don’t forget to keep hating the mets

    who among us didn’t like McCarver until he had his love feast with the Mets? I admit that I did. Now I just want to ram his fag glasses into his eyesockets.

  • 2nd schtreet phan in SD

    That clip of Artie on the short-lived Joe Buck was almost impossible to find right after it aired. HBO and/or Joe Buck didn’t want to be embarrassed over and over again. One of my favorite Artie lines from the Stern show: “Beyonce looks like Naomi Campbell from the waist up. She looks like Earl Campbell from the waist down.” Damn, I miss him.

  • James Fayleez

    McCarver had very large old man ears.

  • derp

    hahahha i was reading a giants blog and i have to give the giants fan who said this credit:

    Fuck you Joe Buck “Oswalt trying to do it all.”

    If you were half the man your Dad was you would had quit out of shame a long time ago.

    by downsos on Oct 17, 2010 7:27 PM PDT reply

  • Mr. Bryan

    Is your 1210AM not working?

  • http://twitter.com/4who4what ScottGraham

    @40, there was so much Wheels in McCarver last night I wanted to puke. I hate when Wheels talks about “we need someone to POP ONE here,” mostly because he says it regardless of any situation (Victorino needs to pop one here with nobody on base down 5, etc), and McCarver said it no less than 4 times last night. I fully expect McCarver to talk about how goofy a left-handed reliever is and talk about the “no doubles defense” in game 3.

    Also, do you think Jeffery Lurie has a button in his office that he presses when it’s time to signal the Fox broadcast booth to start talking about the Eagles? It sucks that if we want to go back and rewatch this game on mlb.tv’s archives, we’d always be stuck having to hear about some mediocre Eagles team that nobody will care about.

  • joe shuck

    Joe Buck is a little bastard. No, really! His Dad often called him that when Joe pulled his smarmy prissface. And Timmy Mac was Carlton’s favorite catcher because he was Steve’s martial arts partner. Steve just loved to pound on McCarver when he made a stupid, vapid remark. Steve also liked to beat him up with his slider in the game. Bruised the hell out of Tim with those hard sliders in the dirt.

  • Linds

    All it took was a whore post from Hdysr? to get Lynniemac back? More of those please.

  • http://mauleofamerica.com beelove

    i’m surprised that howdy, ever the academian, failed to mention the lead role in the 1969 film midnight cowboy played by jon voight. his character, one joe buck, was a male prostitute and the film was ripe with gay innuendo. (this was the film where dustin hoffman’s ratzo rizzo improvised the line “hey, i’m walkin’ here!”) joe buck, pseudo-gay male prostitute. i mean, duh.

    PS: where are the tits, howdy?

  • Sherry

    THANK YOU! Seriously I thought I was the only one who noticed the Eagles shilling going on. Mention it once if you must, then move on. I was going to start doing shots every time he mentioned a sport I don’t give a shit about.

  • http://glassesofjoe.blogspot.com jd

    joe buck is to announcing

    as

    bieber/mtv/gaga is to music.

    a straight up abortion that lived.

  • Kruks other nut

    Yo, I heard the comment he made Sat night about how Burrell was never appreciated here in Philly, then went to TB where they didn’t appreciate him, now he finally found a home where he was appreciated in SF.. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. We LOVED him here at the end. He was like the home coming queen at the fucking parade. with his bulldog and bud lights. Burrell represented everything about Philly coming from a doghouse team to a world champion — cause he was here through the whole process. I’m surprised Bucks next sentence didn’t go “well you know they did throw snowballs at Santa here”. Joe Buck is completely clueless. I can only hope he fucks up as much at every other city and that he is hated equally around the country. His commentary on Sports is as bad as Fox coverage of news.

  • drob

    i can’t stand that f*ck ass, I had to listen to last years world series on the radio (on delay) while i watched it, cause he pissed me off. I’m pretty sure during last nights game he said “welcome back to the Giants game”. His bias against the Phillies is unbearable.

  • t-hawk

    Look, I dislike Joe Buck as much as the next guy, but he’s gotten better in recent years. Not in terms of bland commentary, but in terms of anti-Philly. He is WAY better than those horrible TBS announcers. I think the regular Reds announcers might have been a slight upgrade and less biased than those guys.

    At least T-Mac gets excited when the Phillies do something exciting, even if he is just a bit too giddy. Blame CSN for all of those stupid promotional catch phrases too.

    okay… done playing devil’s advocate.

  • Lynniemac

    LOL @ Linds. That was more or less a coincidence. But a pretty funny one. Not sure what that says about me.

  • Joe Fuck

    FINALLY! There is someone out there who feels the same way that I do. One problem, though: you forgot to mention how much the three mega-jackasses who broadcast Phillies games (McCarthy, Wheeler and Matthews) suck fucking balls. They are as bad, if not worse, than Joe Fuck and Timmy McCarver.

  • What the Buck!!

    What the Fuck (Joe the Jackass) Buck? You’re attitude at the sign-off of tonights’ game needs to be adjusted. After an on-field interview with Jayson Werth, where he says “we’re going to hop on the bird and go home”, dick-head Buck say, with a I-hate-Philly attitude “Let him hop on the bird, let him go home”
    Joe — you are a disgrace to broadcasting. Try being unbiased. Philadelphia is a huge market in the eyes of FOX, and I hope that management re-evaluates your attitude toward the City of Brotherly Love. Or else you can KISS OUR BEAUTIFUL ASSES!!!!!

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