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Mar
25
2009
How Pat Burrell Can Help YOU Get Women
Posted by at 10:52 am ET 23 Comments

Have you ever fantasized about effortlessly bagging hot broads just like your hero, Pat Burrell?

Okay, well maybe that’s a little far-fetched, but have you ever wondered what it would be like to hang out with Pat for a night in hopes of potentially sampling his leftovers?

Seems a bit more realistic, but still — a definite long shot.

Well, if both of those options are out of the realm of possibility, do like The Fightins dot com reader D. Whitmore did and just slap a decal of The Bat on the back of your truck and wait for women to come a-runnin’.

Here is the early candidate for my favorite e-mail of 2009:

Some people may think they are fans of The Bat but very few can say The Bat rides with them. Since putting this on my truck, my wang has seen a dramatic increase in its vagina time and I believe that this is in direct relation to The Bat/Bait. So if any of you fellas over at thefightins need some more action in your life, I highly recommend installing one of these.

Sincerely,
An avid reader of thefightins and HDYSR titty posts
D. Whitmore

And just in case you are in the market for something similar (looking at you, Sexy Crimes), Mr. Whitmore told me he got it from eBay off of someone who makes customized window decals.

For a woman repellent, I’d highly recommend a Jorge Cantu decal.

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  • Albert

    Totally bad ass.

  • http://www.phillieslongdrive.com Chris

    Jorge Cantu’s face looks like a wild badger got to it for a minimum of 25 minutes.

  • http://pabaseball.blogspot.com GM-Carson

    Imagine if Jorge Cantu and Julian Tavarez were able to make babies…those be some ugly mother fuckers!

  • http://glassesofjoe.blogspot.com jd

    “you ever wondered what it would be like to hang out with Pat for a night in hopes of potentially sampling his leftovers?”

    SEE FEELEY, AJ

  • D.Whitmore

    HAHAHA i love you guys, that made my day/life

  • http://www.sports-boards.net ill

    I think I know where that GOLF sign is in his rear view.

  • Get Me outta Cleveland and back to Philly

    Seems too easy to make an obvious hockey reference here about sloppy seconds…

    Pat Burrell > Steve Avery

  • http://www.phillieslongdrive.com Chris

    Can you stop making so many fucking awesome shirts? Every time I think I’ve decided what 2 I will be ordering something new comes out. I think I have finally decided on the Sarge shirt and the 2008 Band of Champions.

  • http://www.inphillywetrust.blogspot.com/ Joey Wade

    just found out im goin to the phils/rays game april 3rd… FUCKING PUMPED TO SEE THE WORLD FUCKIN CHAMPS + THE BAT BABY!

  • http://thesexycrimes.wordpress.com Greg Perih

    i roll with a life sized pat the bat cardboard cutout in my passenger seat

  • Gaze

    My Otis Nixon decal never scored me any ladies in the 90s…

  • MikeY

    @ GMOCABTP:

    Sean* Avery.

  • mike

    sidenote…I just got 3 seats in the second row at the new “shiti field” home of our hated mets. I figured for a total of 18 dollars to urinate in as many places as possible its worth it.

  • Tartan69

    “my wang has seen a dramatic increase in its vagina time”

    Best quote I’ve read all month. Even better than Carson’s “whiny baby pissy pants”

  • Kevin Brost

    I think that Daron kid is totally gay, If I were him, I’d put pat on my face just so I can get half as many girls as him

  • jessi

    dead serious, i need one of these.

  • Here Come Da Judge

    Ruben Amaro probably has a big Raul Ibanez face on his back windshield

  • http://www.phillysportspride.com Nicky TiTs

    you know i tried this same thing with Tyrone Hill back in 2001 and I nailed a ton of single moms……….hey everyone should check out my philly sports talk show. It’s the first Father and Son philly sports talk show. It’s on every Tuesday night from 7 to 9 pm on 1460 am. The best way to listen go to http://wifi1460am.com and click on listen live download a player and then check out Me and My pop talking all things philly sports ……. no doubt this post will be brought up next week.

  • Th Juggernaut

    No offense or anything but this whole Pat Burrell mancrush thing has to end.

  • Kelly Jo

    @Juggernaut
    I know it might be hard to understand the love this city has for this man but after the fact he took out ads in our newspapers to thank us, I think we owe it to him to never forget him or his antics (on and off the field). See you April 4th Pat!

  • The Juggernaut

    @ Kelly Jo

    No I get the the love it’s just the whole blogging about him 2 times a week. The man had a great sendoff here, he got his just due (Leading the Parade). The man is no Michael Jack Schmidt he didn’t retire a Phille and
    I don’t consider him one of the greatest Phillies of all time. Also he plays for another team now so in my eyes now F em.

  • The Juggernaut

    He’s no Brain Dawkins

  • D. Whitmore

    but have we heard any tales of brian dawkins legendary swordsmanship? and dawkins “plays for another team now so in my eyes now F em.”

    sorry guy

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R.I.P Harry Kalas