As soon as word broke, every Ryan Howard naysayer on the planet (and there’s a whole lot of ’em) rushed to their typing machines to proclaim, “Worst deal ever!” and “Someone tell Pujols to call his agent! wakka-wakka!” Then they all went on to compare Ryan Howard to people like Mo Vaughn and talk about how players with “similar body types” never succeed past the age of 35 or something — it was real compelling stuff, I swear.
Granted, these are the same people who would complain when Utley took over at first base if Howard never re-upped and eventually signed elsewhere, talking about, “His WAR won’t be the same at first base!” or “They should keep Utley at 2nd and sign a replacement level player to replace Howard!” so you have to take their rants with a grain of salt. These people LOVE to rant.
Well you know what I love to do? Assemble random quotes from writer’s articles and point out how dumb and condescending they sound. Now here, as a quick reference guide to remember these quotes, I’ve gone ahead and gathered some of the most negative and blockquoted ’em for ya. Have at it.
First up is Rob Neyer, who continues his quest to ridicule the run batted in and then calls the Phillies ignorant:
Ryan Howard’s new contract is a testament the enduring power of the Are-Bee-Eye. It’s also a testament to old-school ignorance: ignorance of aging patterns, ignorance of position scarcity, ignorance of opportunity costs … hey, take your pick. The Phillies have done a lot of things right over the last few years. But this is a big bowl of wrong.
-Rob Neyer, ESPN.com
Here’s Craig Calcaterra, who barely made sense in this paragraph and then accused me of not making sense if I were to disagree with him. Call Pujols’ agent!
As of now, Ryan Howard is going to paid more than anyone in the game not named Alex Rodriguez. Unless you can tell me that you can’t think of anyone else in baseball not named Alex Rodriguez who is better than Ryan Howard, this contract makes no sense. And if you tell me that, you make no sense.
In other news: Albert Pujols: call your agent. Your asking price just went up by $10 million.
-Craig Calcaterra, Hardball Talk
I can’t afford Keith Law’s take, but I’m sure it’s fucking brilliant, and more than likely mentions Albert Pujols’ agent.
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-Keith Law, ESPN.com
I’m kinda curious what an entire article of Matthew Carruth laughing would look like, to be honest.
When the news first broke and the details started to emerge, I was tempted to fill this entire article with just me laughing. My co-writers convinced me that while an appropriate response, that was not quite informative enough so I have relented and will actually map out the value of Ryan Howard’s new extension. I’m laughing pretty hard, though, in case you wanted to picture it.
-Matthew Carruth, Fangraphs.com
Now Jonah’s just showing off here, call Albert Pujols’ agent!
5 years, $125 million for Ryan Howard!!! A financial quagmire that’ll make the Iraq War look like a slap fight.
Albert Pujols’ market value just went up to infinity.
-Jonah Keri, @jonahkeri
If you have any more, feel free to leave a link to it in the comments and I’ll update.
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