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Sep
08
2009
David Bell is teaching others how to suck at baseball
Posted by at 10:03 am ET 58 Comments

LOL

David Bell, one of the Phillies worst 3rd basemen of all time, is now coaching the Carolina Mudcats and teaching their players how to suck as much as he did. To no one’s surprise the Mudcats are 10 games below .500 on the year and have no shot at getting a play off spot.

David Bell did hit for the cycle while with the Phillies, but Eric Bruntlett also turned an unassisted triple play…and Jonathan Sanchez threw a no hitter…and Brad Lidge had a perfect season…So everyone has their moment I suppose.

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  • Heathcliff Slocumb

    Is Abraham Nunez on his coaching staff?

  • bigmyc

    Not to be a “contrarian” here or a “killjoy”, but Dave Bell DID have one of the more dramatic and bitchin’ assed hits in recent Phillies history and for that, his time here was salvaged in my mind.

  • http://www.twitter.com/RudyMezzy Rudy

    Can someone please explain to me why 80% of minor league teams have horrible team names? Is it like, you are going to be humiliated your whole career until you get to the majors………unless you’re on the Mets, then you are only humiliated in the majors.

    BA-ZING!

  • http://www.ballssticksstuff.com Doc | bs&s.com

    The whole team is probably wearing back braces.

  • http://mauleofamerica.net beelove

    “hey skip, weren’t you the other guy that was busted for that fertility drug manny was busted for, the one that helps your balls readjust after the steroid cycle?”

  • James Fayleez

    Chris Wheeler will be the first one to tell you that David Bell will be the first one to tell you that he knows how to play the game of baseball.

    That’s what he’s teaching those kids.

  • BigMiles

    @bigmyc….I remember the home run like it was yesterday. I was listening to gameday audio in my dorm room and Scott Graham absolutely crapped his pants. He also had a big game-tying home run off of Chad Cordero (steroids much?) in September, even though the Phils went on to lose that game.

    Other than that he was horrific. He makes Pat the Bat look like a dominant force against righties with the way he swung the bat against them. Not that our current thirdbaseman is hitting any better. If he swings at any more sliders that are way out of the zone I’m going to start yanking out chunks of my hair.

  • BigMiles

    Oh and Bell also got thrown out at 3rd to end a massive rally against Houston during the worst series of all time back in September 2005. I’m pretty sure Wheeler’s exact quote, which is featured on the yearbook video, is “David will be the first one to tell you that was a bad play.” Well, apparently you are the first Wheels so that would make him the second, huh?

  • Corey

    he did all the little things.

  • lebowski

    teaching them how to use juice?

  • D. Whitmore

    “Ah geeze, you hate to see that kind of record when a great baseball man like David Bell is coaching the team. With Bell as the coach, you can bet the house that this team sure plays the right way. They are probably those dirtball type guys who just always play to win. Remember when David hit for the cycle? Oh Boy! Was that something neat to see or what. This guy sure was some kind of ballplayer.”

    /Wheeler’d

  • essdeek

    ^^^ classic

    “You hear people talk about how David Bell used to hit those middle in pitches so well, especially while the opposing team was in a no doubles defense. He had such a funky swing but always got the job done.”

  • Lynniemac

    @Rudy: The Triple-A Buffalo Bisons just lost four of five to the IronPigs (including both halves of a doubleheader) to finish 56-87 – good for last place in the Northern Division of the International League (26 games back). The Double-A Binghamton Mets finished the year at 54-86, in last place in the Northern Division of the Eastern League (28 games back). It looks like Mets’ players are well-used to humiliation long before they ever reach the Majors.

  • bigmyc

    Yes Big Miles, it was an amazing moment. Couldn’t believe my eyes.

    Phils-Reds, late in the season and vying for a post season birth in 2005, the game was a see-saw like affair with lead swapping and lack of clutch hitting….in the ninth, up stepped the man of the hour with one man on/ two outs and the Phils trailing by a run in a game the Fightins sorely needed. Mr. Bell ran that count full by fouling off the good pitches with a few flicks of a tenacious bat guided by a field trained eye until he finally got a pitch he could be satisfied with and pulled an outside slider over the leftfield wall for a game winning, season holding tater bomb.

    That, my friends, is the stuff of legend.

  • DP

    Although there are many reasons to dislike Bell, the fact the organization insisted on keeping this bum at 3rd, forcing the Polanco for Uggy deal still hurts.

  • Harry Kalas Murder Conspiracy Theory

    Those who can’t do (or do horribly), teach.

    And sadly, I was at the game when he hit for the cycle. It was a thrashing of Les Expos at CBP. One of the worst nights of my life.

  • bigmyc

    As a Phillies fan, HKMCT, I can see how that would be a major disappointment.

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo
  • Lynniemac

    Watch it, Gonzo. Apparently, my comments, when understood incorrectly, resemble that remark. :-D

  • http://whodoesheplayfor.wordpress.com photographer N

    He used steroids and he still sucked. What can he possibly team them?
    “Hey guys, you grip the skinny end of the bat and you hold the fat part out. Got that?”

  • D. Whitmore
  • http://pabaseball.blogspot.com gm-carson

    David Bell and Adam Eaton are my two most hated Phillies of all-time. Rob Ducey used to be on that list too, until I met him while he was the manager of the Harrisburg Senators and he seemed like a cool enough guy.

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    Lynnie, I really LOL’d at your statement. Thank you *hugs*

  • Paaaaaaay-dro’s soul glo is jealous of Brett’s red glove

    One of David Bell’s “students” will eventually be in the MLB. And will be the worst 3b ever to live the planet ones he plays.

  • lebowski

    gm – while rob ducey wasn’t much of a ball player, i would think a player had to have garnered a relatively large contract while with the phillies, then did shitty (a la bell and “dick” eaton)

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTmm_icx8Bc Mike H.

    Don’t you also include Cole Hamels winning the World Series MVP on this list of improbables?

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    How the hell could you hate a World Series Champion like Adam Eaton?

  • James Fayleez

    Two things:

    Is Heidi the first piece Cole ever got? Because he sure acts like it.

    Every time I ever saw David Bell at the plate he looked like he was headed straight to the gallows right after his at-bat. He always looked so loser-ish.

  • Lynniemac

    No, no, Gonzo. Thank YOU. *back atcha*

  • Muscles

    I was a closet bell fan, or Captain Clutch as I used to call him

  • Harry

    http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/index.php/give-chase-his-due

    (Howard isn’t close to the player Chase is)

  • http://pabaseball.blogspot.com gm-carson

    Thought Fightins fans would enjoy these pictures of Cole Hamels.

  • D. Whitmore

    bro, i already posted those pictures in comment number 21.

    /4daysrest’d

    your comment is much better since your link is fancy, i can accept that

  • http://phillieslongdrive.wordpress.com/ Chris

    @D.Whitmore hahahahahahahaha

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    C’mon Carson. What’s up with the shameless self promotion?

    /CLICK MY BLOG!!!! http://majorleaguejerk.com/2009/08/victorino-and-howard-fined-for-flashing-gang-sign/

  • http://pabaseball.blogspot.com gm-carson

    Damn, didn’t know I was going to start a blog war, my bad bros. I didn’t know those pics were already up around the Internet or wouldn’t have wasted everyone’s time.

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    GM, you’re good people. Don’t fret.

  • http://pabaseball.blogspot.com gm-carson

    My tone was meant to be sort of nonchalant sarcastic, but I guess that didn’t come through too well. We’re all friends- The Fightins, 4 Days Rest, WSBGMs, Major League Jerk…you know, all those KWality blogs.

  • Grumpy Old Man

    I think Heidi could be the Yoko-Ono of the Phils, she has our ace by the fucking leash.

  • bigmyc

    GM Carson, please pay attention. Wtf is wrong with you (shaking fist in your general direction)? The next time you try to post something that you think is of interest and entertainment to others, you need to think again. Thanx fuckin’ a lot.

  • Joe Pa

    Anyone have Harry’s Call of David Bells Homerun against the Reds?

  • bigmyc

    Man, Joe Pa, great idea…that was a beaut.

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    La Pelotas no Regresa!!!!!!

  • bigmyc

    Like I said, “Johnny Bench like.”

  • Jack Handy

    The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

  • Brad

    No, the Mudcats ended 10 below the in the half. In AA, they have two halves. In the first half the Mudcats were one game away from making the playoffs. Once the second half started, the top players were moved up to AAA.

    I didn’t really know anything of Bell until this year, but I’ve heard nothing but good things about him from the people around the Mudcats. From what I’ve read here, he must have been an asshole as a player, but he’s a hell of a supportive, positive, coach from what I hear.

  • bigmyc

    Brad, Bell’s problem was that he wasn’t Mike Schmidt, Scott Rolen or even Pedro Feliz at the hot corner with the bat and the glove.

    Lump Bell in with the likes of Adam Eaton as a player whom fans here just don’t like.

  • Watrick

    Bell had two errors in the inning that brought about the infamous, “5 runs, none earned, but who cares” call from Harry Kalas. That is the only thing that Bell ever did that I might even like. And when he hit for the cycle, he hit a ball off the top of a railing that may or may not have been out. Frank Robinson did not agree with the call, and frankly-neither did I.

    Bell was signed to a huge deal after Rolen left. I’m a Rolen fan, and I still believe that we were sold a bag of crap with that signing based off of the whole Rolen falling out. The guy’s career year was hitting .280 with 20 homers, while playing third base looking like he was going to poop his pants, thus making it seem like he was playing turd base.

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    Bell was not as asshole. He comes from a good baseball family. He played stellar 3b before he was a Phillie, and his bat was slightly better than Feliz’s. He had back problems his entire time here, and that affected everything. No one liked him because he didnt fulfill the 4 year $16 Mil contract, which was big bucks back then.

  • martin atchet

    fuck fuck fuck…..is fucking lidge really about to fucking blow it again? jesus fucking christ, DFA this asshat!

  • http://www.majorleaguejerk.com Gonzo

    Wow. I’m in shock. Chollie goes to the mound and doesn’t even mutter a word and yanks out Lidge.

  • Pat

    that was officially brad’s last chance, you can tell charlie is fed up and done

  • bigmyc

    I don’t normally deal in sabermetrics so I might be disadvantaging myself, but I’d say that Pedro has been the better hitter in his two years than Bell was in his tenure. I believe that .265 might have been Bell’s high water mark as far as average goes. Most of the time, the guy would struggle through a .225 season for months on end. I’d venture that Feliz has averaged more RBI as well, though, he’s had better complimentary players around him.

  • bigmyc

    OK, stop the presses. So, apparently, Bell was a better offensive player than Feliz has been. I guess I just remember the guy with so much promise attached to him whereas Feliz is only asked to hit a bomb every now and again and at least try to poke the ball the other way…

  • CarlosBeltransexual

    Bell was a lousy player here, but this level of hate is usually reserved for the real assholes. It never seemed like Bell didn’t hustle, or he didn’t care.

  • Doug

    thats not the only team he will manage this year: http://mlb.mlb.com/milb/stats/stats.jsp?sid=l119&t=t_ros&cid=542

  • D. Whitmore

    @watrick

    that was one hell of a comment

  • werththewait

    I’m like a 20 minute drive to the Mudcat’s stadium and I had a gut feeling there was a way under-achieving, steroid-riddled, weak back-having son of a bitch near by. Turns out I was right.

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R.I.P Harry Kalas