The Fightins'
Jul
08
2010
Chooch goes to Lehigh Valley, wears a Gazoo helmet
Posted by at 8:35 am ET 389 Comments

Rehabbing catcher Carlos Ruiz started behind the dish and batted third for your Triple-A affiliate IronPigs last night in a 4-2 loss to the Pawtucket Red Sox. Chooch went 0-for-2 with a walk before being lifted in the late innings (not because of injury) for backup John Suomi. Also, because of minor league regulations, Ruiz was forced to wear one of those gigantic helmets that David Wright made popular last year.

Oh yeah, and Domonic Brown singled in his last AB and has now hit dangerously* in all 12 games as a member of the IronPigs. And word has it he also robbed a 2-run homer with a sick grab in right field.

* “hit safely” is such a bitch term

Photo: Abby Drey/The Morning Call

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  • jake

    is there a clip of this sick grabb??

  • BJ

    How can you be taken seriously while eating an ice cream cone while wearing that piece of shit?

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    You can bet that Chooch uses one of those helmets when he gets his ballpark sundaes. Load it up por favor.

  • DP

    I see your schwartz is a big as mine

  • http://twitter.com/h_cliff_slocumb Heathcliff Slocumb

    Chooch looks funny wearing it, but the fact that he’s not a pussy to begin with doesn’t make it anywhere near as funny as Wright.

  • http://www.cranktexts.com Adam Eaton

    He looks like he’s got a little A-Rod in the face in that pic…

  • Dutch Daulton Tan

    I don’t know why but I always feel like tickling chooch

  • http://www.cranktexts.com Adam Eaton

    @Dutch Daulton Tan You may have a great spin off for a blog with that post…

    Just sayin’

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Chooch coming out to bat is the only acceptable time I’ll ever listen to Soulja Boy.

  • D. Whitmore

    maybe chooch will find the power stroke he lost after his last full stint in AAA

  • http://twitter.com/killadelfia_44 KILLADELFIA

    Correction – Dom Brown does not “hit”, he simply waves his bat through the strikezone, and directs the pitch with his mind.

  • Dobbszilla

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • bigmyc

    Dobbszilla! Wake up!

  • dlhunter

    “Correction – Dom Brown does not “hit”, he simply waves his bat through the strikezone, and directs the pitch with his mind.”

    Not to be an asshole, but isn’t that what “hitting” is?

    You know, swinging a bat through the strikezone and, by use of your mind, hitting the ball?

  • http://thatballsouttahere.com TBOH

    Damn, now I have to stop making fun of Francisco Cervelli.

  • don

    If Polanco wore one of those, would it look normal?

  • SquirrelBoy

    You know, I really don’t understand the whole backlash on these helmets. Their much safer than the old ones. I feel like you people care more about how they look than whether the players are safe.

  • Defenestrate Wheels

    @ Dubee, that is exactly what i thought when i saw the photo. I can just imagine the lil panamanian finishing his twist soft serve with extra sprinkles in the on deck circle, popping that bad boy on and swinging away.

  • Greenman!

    Yay Chooch!

  • YankeesSuckArod

    Chooch totally fucking Baskin Robins that helmet, and pours fucking huge sundaes in there.

    He should show up at CBP with like giant vats of ice cream, and pour it on the opposing team…and if he’s feeling extra rowdy maybe chew off their ice cream covered heads!

  • will.H

    after the game he turned it upside down and ate ice cream out of it, you know, cause its huge

  • will.H

    yankees suck i hate you

  • crazy4swayze

    i heard jayson werth has been banging chooch’s ice cream. confirm?

  • Amandah

    Chooch also has a gigantic roman war helmet in his trousers.

    Regards,

    Amandah

  • Greenman!

    crazy4swayzee I heard the same thing, a friend of mine is a close and reliable source and told me he saw Jayson with his hands in Chooch’s Dippin’ Dots.

  • YankeesSuckArod

    Jeff Carter and Jayson Werth like to Cuckold teammates

  • crazy4swayze

    i heard jeff carter and jayson werth pig roasted lebron james’ mom.

  • Defenestrate Wheels

    Is that gonna happen at the ESPN special tonight? thats the only way ill tune in

  • BJ

    So are we believing this whole J-Dub and Jennifer Uts thing? Because I’ll think whatever you guys think…

  • crazy4swayze

    @BJ- i’m not believing that but i’m believing everything else i wrote. also, i heard werth banged south carolina republican gubernatorial candidate nikki haley. also, i heard he banged al gore’s massage therapist.

    @defenestrate- seriously, i know this isn’t the forum for basketball, but fuck that self-absorbed asshole. how do they stretch “i’m signing with whoever” into a fucking hour. i hope he has to get microfracture surgery on both knees.

    at least the knicks will still blow.

  • Nikita

    I heard that Angelo Cataldi sent Charlie Manuel a hundred sexual harassment e-mails but Chollie stopped the station from firing Cataldi, ’cause “the boy just ain’t right”.

  • Nick

    The guys at Fangraphs (let me remind you, they hate the Phillies) think Dom Brown is comparable to Vlad Guerrero, Josh Hamilton, Juan Gonzalez and Tim Salmon.

    This guys the real deal

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    Is this a sorority? You believe whatever everyone else believes?! Becauuuussse WHY — based on WHAT? Wtf? This is the kind of crap teenage girls get made fun of for doing. I’ve never read or heard about so much shit in my life. How could ANYONE know with any validity anything about any of this?

  • Ozzie Virgil’s Beard

    I hope Chooch offers Dom Brown a ride back with him to Philly when his stint is through.

  • Greenman!

    Lebron James is a retarded asshole with an inflated ego for thinking he cant stretch “I’m goin to ___” into an hour long special.

    @BJ I assure you we are all as credible as that source that leaked the news about Werth and Mrs. Uts

  • Greenman!

    *he can stretch

  • Greg Dobbs

    2 for 4!!!

    :)

  • YankeesSuckArod

    cg Dobber

    …too bad you still suck! :P

  • crazy4swayze

    i heard someone was going to pay werth 8 figures over the next 5 years to bang a bunch of chicks but the pressure got to him and he just ended up looking at pussies for a little, falling to one knee when he went to put it in and then walked away in a huff.

  • Milt Thompson

    I dunno if we’re ready for Chooch to come back. Dane’s got what, 3 solo homeruns? Hawaiian guys who hit solo shots are our bread and butter.

    The other night, though, Chooch says to me “Milt, wanna go get some puss?” and I was like hell yeah, haven’t done that since Pat left, and I put on my best cologne and borrowed Shane’s Ed Hardy Shirt and everything, turns out we were just going to the carvel and splittin a cookiepuss ice cream cake. So now I filled the clubhouse fridge with them and when Chooch comes back, whenever he hits a solo HR, he’s gonna “get some puss”

  • BJ

    Alright, just so everyone here knows, Phan stuck in NYC obviously cannot take a joke…so watch what you say, everyone, the fun police is on patrol

  • http://mauleofamerica.com beelove

    this didn’t warrant its own post, but when pat burrell cleared waivers and signed a minor league deal with the giants, he honored that deal by playing (and tearing it up) for a week in fresno before coming up to san francisco (where, it’s worth noting, he’s hitting .305 with 5 HR and 11 RBI in 94 PA … i have no idea what his WAR is). anyway, here’s a pic of him in fresno with his dark helmet: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joepun/4672750006/

    also, squirrelboy, give me a break, man. innumerable stupid ideas have started in the name of safety. the fact that every single 1B/3B coach in every level of baseball has to wear a helmet was the result of ONE INCIDENT in which an unlucky 3B coach got drilled in the head and died. a freak accident, very sad, but one which (to my knowledge) had NEVER happened in the 130 years of baseball before it. and every coach has to wear an ice cream helmet on their head because of it? terrible. just like the NHL requiring every single team to erect a mesh on both ends of the ice because of ONE INCIDENT in columbus frickin ohio, noted hockey town that it is, in which a little girl who wasn’t paying attention got killed from an errant puck. and i wouldn’t be surprised if MLB makes every team reevaluate their railings as a result of the unfortunate dude in texas who fell after the foul ball.

    cyclists ride upwards of 60 mph on downhills in the tour de france, and they wear foam-and-plastic helmets that weigh less than a banana. there’s no reason MLB can’t implement some similar technology for safer helmets and NOT have every player look like a fucking lollipop (or david wright).

  • YankeesSuckArod

    Hey is it just me, or does CC Sabathia look just like fucking Grimace from Mcdonalds?

    And Joe Blanton looks like Mayor McCheese

  • Suz

    I don’t care what Chooch is wearing. I just want him back in Philly.

    The pitchers need him. The team needs his intensity.

    Come back, Chooch. Please.

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    Look when I read this horseshit the following occurred to me a) Jen Utley & Julia Werth have been friends and have hung out together since Werth got on the team, 4 yrs now; b) both guys have been friends since Werth got on the team too; c) both guys are seen out with their respective wives a decent amount (the movies at King of Prussia in his Jesus sandals anyone?); d) Werth has spent his life in the baseball world & knows it like the back of his hand, also knows how to steer clear of this stuff; d) this is about THE LAST thing 95% of guys would do to a friend; e) Jenn Utley is an animal rights person and WERTH HUNTS. Duh….

    Those were just the immediate things that came to mind.

    Mmm, I’m thinking this rumor is probably a lie, made up by the same type of person who in Hollywood would be a gossip monger for – like – The Enquirer or whatever. When it’s boring, or they need a reason for something that is otherwise too mundane for the public to believe — then they lie. In this case, this person probably feels they have some moronic excuse to dislike Werth.

    And God knows there is no shortage of trash out there that call themselves “press” who’ll print complete garbage under the guise of “news.” And God knows there is no shortage of “fans” who love to believe the worst about stars, both sports and film, who they previously had put on a pedestal.

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    BJ – this shit was printed in papers.

  • BJ

    I personally think it’s Ed Wade making up this story just for shits and giggles…i mean, he is a “credible source” and all

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    Next thing you know Eskin or Rosenthal will be asking the players about it. God it’ll be on TMZ.

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    I’ve got it – they meant Jenn ANISTON. She sleeps with everyone.

  • YankeesSuckArod

    Ol’ Eddie Wade is creating drama in the Phillies locker room, and Brett Myers isn’t even involved!

  • YankeesSuckArod

    oh and btw, I totally slept with Jennifer Anniston too.

    She GETS AROUND like Amandah, which also probably explains why I now have AIDs and my balls fell off :(

  • don

    beelove – that picture of Burrell makes him look 10 years younger. Tell the ladies.

    It’s not just the one death that the helmets are for. It’s reducing concussions as well. Now that someone has looked around and counted how many former NFL players die in their 40s and 50s, they’re taking concussions a lot more seriously in all sports. The helmets are goofy looking, but if everyone were wearing them I bet most people would forget about it in half a season. It’s not like they’re making half an inning four outs or something.

    The Astros used to dress like this and people got over it.
    http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slideshows/801/slideshow_80106/display_image.jpg

  • http://www.sciencelost.com ScienceLost

    I dub thee CHOOZOO

  • Nikita

    “e) Jenn Utley is an animal rights person and WERTH HUNTS. Duh…. ”

    So Jen could have really taken a liking to Jayson’s schnauzer.

    *KIDDING*

    I heard that the Phanatic got sued for dry-humping Chooch’s Turkey Hill ice cream.

  • http://twitter.com/4who4what ScottGraham

    So is it a law that when a Philadelphia team struggles, we must say it’s because players are banging each other’s wives? Didn’t we have this same story about the Flyers, with Pronger banging Richards’ wife or something?

  • http://www.cranktexts.com Adam Eaton

    Whyyyyyyyy are you still here MooseBalls… why?

  • Nikita

    @55 –

    Yeah it just proves how sexAY we all are. Philly teams are teh hot.

  • RicoBrogna

    So out of curiousity i googled julia werth and got a link to this site http://www.playerwives.com/mlb/philadelphia-phillies/jayson-werths-wife-julia/
    Check out the “Fun Facts” section. Yeah that must have been a real “fun” time for Jayson and Julia! Lol

  • YankeesSuckArod

    PhilsSuckMooseBalls: What? We’ll only lose 3 of 4 to the Reds?

    You are just too kind, I was predicting a sweep!

  • SquirrelBoy

    @beelove I’d rather have my players protected from a 100 MPH fastball like the new helmets do then the only 70 MPH the older helmets do. I don’t care how they look, as long as their safe.

  • YankeesSuckArod

    ScottGraham: Actually that Flyers rumor was about Jeff Carter banging somebodies wife…maybe it was Hartnell or something? I forget.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    I heard that Lebron rumor also. Do we really have a chance? What time does he announce his choice? That would be awesome wouldn’t it? I M SO STOKED!!!!!!! Do you think Lebron will like mooseballs too?

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    What was the Lindros thing? He banged Brindamour’s wife and Tocchet punched him out or something. I don’t remember now. Hell it might not even have been true.

  • Doug Glanville

    How come no one is talking about Shane calling out Phillies fans? Will he be booed tonight?

  • YankeesSuckArod

    Lebron would never join the Sixers, since we’re pretty much the least desirable destination for bigname players these days.

    Pretty funny to think that there was a pretty long period of time where the Sixers had some of the NBA’s biggest stars and were considered one of the “big franchises” for quite a long time.

    But now everyone would rather play for some shitty NY team, or apparently even Florida teams now!

    Bullshit

  • RicoBrogna

    i would boo shane for being a bitch crybaby. worry about winning games not about drunk hecklers.

  • don

    Mooseballs, what’s wrong with being a teabagger?

    I don’t want to be a teabagee, but I can hold my liquor so I’m pretty safe.

  • bigmyc

    He has a point, that Shane. I have been critical and as long as he plays like he is currently, I will continue to do so.

    But, he is talking about the more vocal of the detractors…the one’s perhaps with less social grace and upbringing. So, that doesn’t warrant anything but a silent knod. Because…ya know, he’s right about the last two years. The fans are right about this year. But no one is qualified to berated any of these players in that manner.

  • Capt Murdock
  • Bozo

    So do any of you genius stat nuts that love sabermetrics and other stats want to figure out the Phillies HR/FB rate and then their opponents in any park? Seems like they are crushing alot of balls this year that are either warning track flyouts or high off the wall regardless of the ballpark.

  • Greenman!

    A close source told me Mooseballs was having an affair with Chipper Jones’ rig.

  • PhilsSuckMooseBalls

    I have no penis

  • HowardBlowsBalls

    I blow goats

  • Bozo

    Meh, if they trade Werth to get Lee back that’d be stupid. Lee needs run support too and the Phillies aren’t hitting good enough for anyone.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    I’m a functional member of society

  • TheFightinsCommenters

    Were all a bunch of juvenile idiots.

  • Milt Thompson

    Shane was just upset that one of the eagles offensive lineman went to the game the other night dressed as a woman and flipped him the double bird.

  • TheFightinsCommenters

    We dont even know who we are fighting with… and dont know about apostrophes

  • Morandini’s Triple Play

    Yo Milt….quit dissing on my sister. She has a gland problem, man!

  • Milt Thompson

    Oh man, sorry about that. I thought it was Todd Herremans for real. I even emailed Andy and was like “Listen, it’s bad enough you always try to upstage us, but keep your players in line” and he wrote back and was all “Who’s Milt Thompson?” like he doesn’t rememeber my catch in 93.

  • Joe Blanton

    #43

    Mayor McCheese is actually a good friend of mine. Or at least he was. Til I ate him. Because I found out he was made up of fucking cheese!

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Do you think Lebron will know how to use apostrophes? I bet he remembers Milts catch in 93. He’s gonna be so great to have on the Sixers. This will make us all forget the pain of losing Dalembert. I’m so glad Lebron likes mooseballs or we would have never had a prayer of landing him.

  • Mike Zagurski

    Remember the rapping Chicken Nuggets? they sure were tastey! yum yum!

  • Phan Stuck in nyc

    It’s Buster Olney saying it. Do we believe it? Okay the immediate sports world has picked up Olney’s unsubstantiated crapola & spread it ’round the globe in less than a nano second, but:
    is it true; or
    are is Rube just seeing if JDub is worth more in trade than they think he’ll cost to re-sign in this slump?
    I really hate this time of year.

  • Mike Zagurski

    Oh no I’ve been optioned to AAA! Bye bye Joe, we’ll have our pie eating contest later I guess :(

  • Chipper Jones

    Greenman- Could you check your sources and confirm whether my ring is still lodged in Mooseballs ass? He was supposed to have had it removed by the end of spring training. Damn guy has already made me postpone my retirement tour. I better have it back by the Allstar break or Mooseballs loses his clubhouse pass.

  • Watrick

    Hey Chipper, remember when John Rocker called you white trash? That was awesome….

  • Morandini’s Triple Play

    I don’t even want to know how the ring got there, Larry.

  • Nikita

    “It’s Buster Olney saying it. Do we believe it?”

    Buster is what you name your dog or your parrot. I can’t put too much faith in what an anthropomorph says.

  • Bozo

    Someone suggest a good PC game to play. I’m bored as fuck.

  • Bozo

    And I went through like 100 pages on Ebgames.com

  • Doug Glanville

    Defense Grid on Steam. Best tower defense game ever.

  • Greenman!

    I try to actually get some work done here and there Bozo

  • Milt Thompson

    Bozo, Home Run Rally. Just hit solo shots all day.

  • Bozo

    I’m so bored I can’t come up with a witty response to either of you.

    Speaking of Steam, who has TF2? Engineer update is finally coming soon.

  • Bozo

    Home run rally is hard….

  • lance parrish

    That’s actually Tyler Walker’s helmet from last year.

  • Milt Thompson

    Bozo, that’s the point I’ve been trying to make! You can’t even hit a solo homer consistently in a video game, so stop ripping on the team!

  • Morandini’s Triple Play

    hmm….Prado and Votto don’t seem to have any trouble doing it…..

  • Brandon

    I feel like I let thefightins down by not wearing my Choooooch shirt to that game last night.

  • Greenman!

    you did brandon :’(

  • YankeesSuckArod

    So I heard this crazy rumor that Ron Jeremy banged all the Phillies players wives, and that’s the real reason why the team is so awful.

    Can anyone confirm/deny besides Buster Olney?

  • Amandah

    Is Buster Olney related to Buster Hyman?

    Regards,

    Amandah

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    For the Phillies to be playing as bad as they are, Ron Jeremy would have had to have banged all of them.

  • http://twitter.com/markmarinelli MJM

    Nitpick…Brown saved a few runs, he didn’t rob a homer. It was a great leaping grab against the wall. He definitely isn’t abreu’d by walls. Dom has hops, but not 15-20 feet hops. :) And his single was smoked through the middle. His first at bat was good despite grounding out. Started 0-2 and worked the count full.

    Needless to say, but he is impressive.

  • Milt Thompson

    MJM, so what you’re saying is that it wasn’t a Milt Thompson catch.

  • http://twitter.com/markmarinelli MJM

    Still get shivers thinking of that catch. Is there an animated .gif of it somewhere?

  • http://twitter.com/markmarinelli MJM

    Would be hard to rob a homer against this.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/51641583@N07/4775099713/sizes/l/

    BTW, one of his homers last week hit that service electric sign.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    What’s with all this Werth trade talk?

    3-team deals and such…

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Oh, and Chris you can mock the opposing pitchers now, since the Phillies fucking blow either way.

    In the words of Digital Underground, DoWatchaLike.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    MJM-Friggin tripleA bandbox.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    TonyisD- Don’t flatter yourself thinking our jinx calling had any effect on Chris.

    He was taking a little Wild Turkey holiday and just posted late to bust balls.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Greg Murphy is fucking PISSED at the fairweather fans.

  • http://www.twitter.com/swift5648 Swift

    As he should be… anyone who’s given up on this team, should have their Fan-card revoked.

    I’m frustrated, I’m angry, I’m not feeling as certain about them as I did earlier. But I’m far from given up on them.

  • Milt Thompson

    I think you should mock the other teams hitting coaches instead of mocking their pitchers. I have pics of Greg Gross and Hal McRae that I drew mustaches and glasses on hanging in my office.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Yeah, Swift.

    I talked about not having as much fanatical interest in them for a bit, especially in a 4-game series against a crazy offense like the Reds, but here I am tonight, planning on watching the game.

    I must be a true fan or masochistic.

  • Milt Thompson

    I told Shane when he walked into the clubhouse “I think this is the first time the fans need the all-star break to recharge as much as you guys do!” and he was like “f those people.”

    Then I was like, “OK so let’s get you into the cage” and he’s like “Shut up, Milt, you were never an all-star get out of my face, don’t tell me what to do.”

    He’s fired up. Except a Solo HR!

  • “Paging Doctor Perfect!”

    Choochi Man

  • Sophie

    Once again, Ryan Howard is adorable.

  • http://twitter.com/markmarinelli MJM

    I’ll never give up. From Tony Longmire, Kevin Sefcik and Nelson Figueroa to Wilson Valdez, Dane Sardhina and Nelson Figueroa I’m here to stay.

    This season has been exhausting though.

  • Jenn Utley

    For the record, we never sealed the deal. Jayson was having trouble sliding into home, if you know what I’m saying. It was like he was trying to jam a marshmallow into an electric socket.

  • ……

    Didn’t Nelson pitch well yesterday? Didn’t he nicely get out of a jam?

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Fuck Joey Votto.

  • Adamr14

    Not even surprised

  • http://twitter.com/markmarinelli MJM

    I missed the game last night. Was at Pigs game.

  • Milt Thompson

    Tony Longmire! Man, we could use hit bat in our lineup! Especially when he got on steroids in 95-96. Glenn Murray too, he hit like 45HRs in AAA but then Jim was like “Do you juice” and Glenn was like “no sir” and stopped and hit like 3. But back on the juice? He could hit a ton of solo shots.

    I mean, the only reason they juiced in the first place was because Fregosi hates brothers so they had to become power hitters in order to sniff the field, but still, it’d be nice to have em.

    I’ve been calling Hard Hittin’ Mark Whitten all year but he won’t answer the phone.

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    way to call it milt

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Holy shit guys!

    Breaking news out of TMZ is that Lebron James signed with Olympicos in the Greek League for 40 MM a year.

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    TID- is that in euros?

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    lebron είναι στοργή μου μερικά ευρώ ευχαριστώ Γερμανία!

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Don’t ask me for a translation, it’s all Greek to me.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    RIP Mr. Maje McDonald a great Phillies fan.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Holy crap when did Sal Fasano unretire?

  • Milt Thompson

    Damn. Both Tony Longmire AND Glenn Murray hung up on me.

    Anyone got Billy McMillin’s number? He hit that grand slam in his first at-bat. We could use him.

  • Joey Votto

    @Milt please explain to me why the Phillies aren’t producing in a hot summer week at their own boom box and their swinging to the fences

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    @ Votto – What is this “boom box” you speak of?

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Boom box, you know. That thing every person in the city had in the 90′s, but aren’t even close to relevant anymore?

  • Adamr14

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    @ Admar – that made my day.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    ……….What the fuck just HAPPENED?!

  • Adamr14

    3-1-3-2 E1?

  • TheOtherJim

    LOLReds

  • Minty Fresh

    What the fuck?

    He get hit in the dick?

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Allow me Milt.
    The truth of the matter Mr Votto is that our Phillies starting players have all been to the All Star game with the exception of Ruiz. Chooch would have easily made it had he not hurt his shoulder earlier but I digress.
    Anyway Mr. Votto having been there and done that these players have all chosen to pardon the expression “tank it”, excepting of course Howard who didn’t want to disappoint Barry after spending all that time with him this winter.
    You see the Phillies KNOW they are still the team to beat, so taking this allstar break off was worth falling behind in the standings.
    After the vacation break the Phillies will be right back where they belong.

  • Joey Votto

    VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!

  • Tap the Tab

    Please tell me that someone can get the screengrab of Cueto grabbing Victorino’ D.

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    I just thought of something racist for Cueto, but nah.

  • John Matrix

    Isnt Quato that guy from Total Recall?

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    @ John – OPEN YOUR MIND…..

  • John Matrix

    haha. Benny SCREW YOU!!!!!

  • Milt Thompson

    Vott, it’s because we have terrible fans that don’t support us. Ask Shane about it next time he’s on 1st.

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    Benny was like the Shawn Kemp of Mars Taxi Drivers.

  • John Matrix

    nice play by werth, he has been making some mistakes lately

  • John Matrix

    That chick that houser was doing was like the jennifer utley of mars.

  • CTM

    LOLERreds

  • Pete Rose

    Who needs action?

  • Milt Thompson

    Copenhagen was like Ruben Amaro because just like Amaro would giff da people deyuh cliff lee, Copenhaegen wouldn’t giff da people deyuh eeyah

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    does that make Richter the werth of Mars?

  • Phils Phan

    LOL @ Joey Votto above.

    “Boom box.”

    Listen, if you’re going to insult a team, its fans, its stadium, etc., try not to look like a fucking moron by screwing up insults. Who are you? Biff Tannen?

    It’s “band box.” You sound like a damn fool.

  • Biff Tannen

    @ Votto – Make like a tree, and get outta here

  • John Matrix

    hahah Biff Tannen!
    Now make like a tree and get outta here

  • John Matrix

    every night i come on here and post 80s movie stuff, finally some response!

  • Joker Jack

    This team needs an enema

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Is Kyle Kendrick our new stopper?

  • Cole Handsome

    I heard that on tonight’s Lebron Show, Commissioner Howard Stern is going to host a game of Who’s the Jew?, and Delonte West is going to give Lebron’s mom a ride on the Sybian.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Finally you picked one people saw Matrix, not everyone followed gay porn back then.

  • John Matrix

    fa fa flooee, ra ra retard

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    How is old Kurt Waldheim Jr doing these days?

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Not unless they win Tony.

  • Pete Rose

    Cole, I’ll give you 3-1 that Bosh is the Jew, and 4-1 that Lebron’s mom is a squirter.

  • Phils Phan

    I’ll say it again: I want a fivesome with the four women who host “Down The Shore” on Philly.com. I so eagerly await each week’s episode. And by eagerly await, I mean take to my junk like Chollie takes to a Japanese spa masseuse.

  • Phils Phan

    @ Cole Handsome:

    I wish I could give you +10 for that one.

  • Cole Handsome

    Lebron’s mom needs to get the poison out of her system

  • Milt Thompson

    John Matrix, you and I should have a solo HR hitting contest right now. I can beat you, I don’t need no bat! I can beat you!

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Shit for the money Lebron is going to make I’d ride the Sybian and squirt all over the ESPNZone

  • Johnny Cheeto

    I hate Hawaiians

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    No way in hell I turn ESPN on tonight. No way. LBJ=s Dan Marino without the isotoners

  • Bennett

    I’ll gut you Matrix!

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn Finkle and Einhorn

  • Dan Marino

    Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?

  • Solly

    [is thrown off a cliff by John Matrix]

    aaaaahluhluhluhlihluhaaaaaah!

  • Ace Ventura

    That’s none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

  • Phils Phan

    Good game by Kendrick.

  • Cook

    Fuck you asshole!

  • John Matrix

    Howie hasnt had guess the jew for a few years now.

    Robins breasts. are huge and brown thats right!

  • CTM

    Hats off to Kendrick, but does Cholly have such a boner for Madson that he’s bringing Kyle out too early?

  • Kyle Kendrick

    A good friend of mine used to say, “This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.” Think about that for a while.

  • Iceman

    Matrix, you can be my wingman any day

  • Molly Ringwold

    Long Duk Dong = A young Dane Sardinha?

  • Milt Thompson

    charlie’s practicing his early hooks for the all star game

  • Kyle Kendrick

    Robins got some great big lovely hooters!

    everybody sing!

    Robins got some great big lovely hooters!

  • Stepenie Lagrossa

    Looks like someone won’t be seeing mine tonight.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    The Phils have been getting some things going their way tonight. Feels good for a change.

  • Greenman!

    wtf Werth

  • Phils Phan

    Man, I hate LeBron James. Self-absorbed dick.

  • RedsGayBikerCatcher

    I hate hooters

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    Espn should make a show called “A Closer Look at Lebron: Tooth Flossing editon” Yeah wrong place to rant, but seriously Espn, broadcast a guy who hasn’t won any championship.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    ^RedsGayBikerCatcher- weren’t you the guy in Village People?

  • CTM

    …eh? Honestly I’d be as confused and pissed as Werth.

  • Kevin Stocker

    Hey, anybody remember me?

    Just curious.

  • RedsGayBikerCatcher

    Sure was!

  • Ryan Madson

    Charlie told me next time I get mad to just kick Blanton in the ass instead.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    No Ryan don’t do that. They would still be trying to dig it out of the folds.

  • CTM

    Oh Madson, it’s like you never left!

    (not a huge fan of his)

  • Phils Phan

    @ Kevin Stocker:

    You are so last night’s chat.

  • John Matrix

    WHAT THE FUCK

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    I just shit watching this shit

  • CTM

    Because it has to be done…

    LOLPhils

  • Ryan Madson

    sorry guys :(

  • Dave Hollins

    Seriously Stocker. WTF?

  • JL3

    WTF!!!! Does anyone have their head in this game?

  • WhyCan’tWeScore?

    wow….that is all that needs to be said.

  • Bobby Estalella

    Madson, you son of a bitch! Get over here so I can give you a rim job!

  • Keegan

    YEAH LET ME JUST RUN 100 FEET OFF THE MOUND TO GET THIS BALL AND OH WAIT NO ONES COVERING HOME…

    Fuck you Madson.

  • Iceman

    what was that about things going our way?

  • Phils Phan

    That’s the Phillies season in a nutshell.

  • Greenman!

    well how bout that!

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    If it wasn’t for Madson’s 95 mph heater and his changeup, he would be making my taco.

  • John Matrix

    madson should have went back to little league after that.

  • CTM

    Just sayin’, that chair over there looks pretty tempting, doesn’t it Madson? It’s just BEGGING to be punted…

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Yeah Iceman I kinda shit the bed with that one didn’t I?

  • John Matrix

    do you think madson will twitter an apology to kendrick for fucking him?

  • Maverick

    @ Iceman:

    Fuck you.

  • CTM

    Once again, Valdez decides to do all the work around here.

  • Wilson Valdez

    Fuck you all very much.

  • Greenman!
  • TheOtherJim

    Oh great – man on 3rd with no outs. Prepare for disappointment.

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    It’s a bit humid and moist around here if you’re asking me in the future.

  • Phils Phan

    Brian Schneider, I’m not mad, just disappointed.

  • John Matrix

    here we go again.

  • CTM

    Come on Ben, solid contact for the love of God.

  • WhyCan’tWeScore?

    could totally take a run right now…seriously!

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    why can’t ruben be aggressive and sign lebron for his athletic skills?

  • Schneider

    @ Phils Phan – Thanks, now I have to go back to therapy again…

  • Oddball

    Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?

  • Bellamy

    Hey, kid, they haven’t got you in the nut ward again?

  • Moriarity

    CRAP

  • Oddball

    Crazy! I mean like so many positive waves maybe we can’t lose! You’re on!

  • Bellamy

    And fuck you and your 60 feet of bridge.

  • Moriarty

    That ain’t my fault, Oddball. I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that single ever since we got here.

  • John Matrix

    To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich!!! no somone who goes up against 3 tigers

  • Phils Phan

    I applaud folks’ taste in film.

  • CTM

    As they said in the olden days…

    FUCK YEAH JIMMY

  • John Matrix

    I just felt my daughter move for the first time!!!

  • Oddball

    A SacFly can give you a very nice… edge

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    She’s got good timing Matrix, congrats

  • RedsGayBikerCatcher

    DOH how did he steal on me!!!?

  • CTM

    Time for Lidge to give me a trademark heart attack.

  • John Matrix

    hey hey hey i found one!!!!!

  • Ryan Howard

    Look, Votto, you and us? We’re just ballplayers, right? We don’t even know what this game’s all about. All we do is we swing and we strike out and for what? We don’t get anything out of it. In about a half a minute Lights Out Lidge gonna be comin’ down that grass patch. Why don’t you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    i don’t need exercise, i got brad lidge to give me a cardio

  • Jayson Werth

    @Matrix There is a possibility that I could be the real father

  • John Matrix

    ryan howard, that was awesome.

  • Oddball

    I’m drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays, you know, Lidge ‘ll get done baby.

  • John Matrix

    Werth, shes more of an Utley girl. youd have to shave

  • Phils Phan

    Again, I love you all. Anyone who’s into Kelly’s Heroes and the Fightins is welcome at my home any time.

  • Jayson Werth

    @Matrix So was Jenn…jus sayin

  • WhyCan’tWeScore?

    Werth, that was low. real low.

  • Oddball

    We see our role as essentially defensive in nature. While our pitchers are advancing so fast and everyone’s knocking themselves out to be heroes, we are holding ourselves in reserve in case the Reds mount a counteroffensive which threatens Philadelphia… or maybe even New York. Then we can move in and stop them. But for 140 million dollars, we could become heroes for 4 days.

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    Dear Lidge,

    I have stuck up for you for far too long. You bomb this shit here I’m going to have to talk to God about you.

  • John Matrix

    Get the hell out of here, we got the game on!!!

  • Phils Phan

    I don’t know the name of the guy who gets blown up by the land mine, but if I did, I’d insert Brad Lidge for one of his lines.

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    Don’t worry, with Milt’s advice we can get Cordero with back to back to back SOLO homers.

  • John Matrix

    ive got a gun in my mouth

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    Seriously, Lidge. It’s Miguel Fucking Cairo….

  • Phils Phan

    Fucking brilliant.

  • Adamr14

    this has to stop

  • John Matrix

    Were still up………no we aint

  • Brad Lidge

    I felt good out there. I’m almost where I want to be.

  • Greenman!

    wait didn’t Cairo play for us? Oh thats why…

  • WhyCan’tWeScore?

    honestly, Miguel Cairo?! cmon Lidge!

  • Fuck the Braves

    @ Phils Phan:

    NOW it is a Phillies season in a nutshell.

  • Uncle Charlie’s hands

    who here has gone to a game lidge blew?

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    Nothing like back to back blown saves….

  • Big Joe

    Sorry son a bitch.

  • CTM

    Sigh…can’t that mole on his face, y’know, go a little malignant?

  • Greenman!

    LMAO CTM

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but if Cairo can tie the game up with a hit, then Ibanez can get a walk off….

  • UncleBuck

    heres a quarter, go down town and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face.

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    …or not…

  • Phils Phan

    Raul is the new David Bell. Bats .250, and literally is guaranteed one hit per game. If he gets it in the first, expect four useless ABs.

  • Jayson Werth

    Don’t worry guys, I don’t got this

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    jose contreras….well, at least it’s not Baez, right…..right?

  • John Matrix

    lidge has sucked the life out of this team and this stadium tonight.

  • Phils Phan

    Err three.

  • brian

    Wonder how long the Phils will stick with lidge….3 of the last 4 appearances blown saves…the guy is a shell of his 2008 self…..

  • JL3

    Here’s a positive… at least they didn’t look at strike three.

  • Bug

    Have you ever heard of a tune up, he he he he

  • J

    Did anyone completely see that blown save coming? I wasn’t even that upset because I knew it was coming.

  • TheOtherJim

    Yeah Howard, you definitely won’t get a ball a mile off the plate with the count 1-2 or 0-2.

  • brian

    have to hope someone jacks one here….

  • Brad Lidge

    It’s a little something I like to call “shitting the bed”

  • brian

    I saw it too-said to myself, no way does he go 1.2.3

  • John Matrix

    i forgot about paul bako

  • brian

    not even going to bother to watch the 10th…g’night

  • Keegan

    Oh yay, with the way every other extra inning game has gone this year, I can’t wait to see how this one turns out!

    Fuck you very much Brad Lidge. You’re the fucking antithesis of a closer.

  • Doug Glanville

    I have this disgusting feeling that the Reds will score if this goes to extras.

  • Greenman!

    Everyone forgot about Paul Bako

  • John Matrix

    this game is over. no hitting+no momentum+the bottom half of the order =another gut wrenching loss

  • Phils Phan

    And I’m wearing my disappointed face–because we all know what’s next.

  • Doug Glanville

    DAMN IT!

  • J

    Ibanez and Howard had 2 of the worst ABs I’ve ever seen from them.

    I don’t know about this now. Gotta rely on the bullpen and our bottom of the order now….. *crosses fingers*

  • bigmyc

    Groundhog Day.

  • John Matrix

    there has to be better WBmason commercials than this one

  • Phils Phan

    Man, I loved Jose Contreras in the Green Mile.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Matrix there is no such thing as better WB Mason commercial. They’re just worse, worser and worsest.

  • Greenman!

    maybe Wilson can get a walk off, or better yet Dobbs, that would make me smile a little bit.

  • Jose Contreres

    Boss Lidge you tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin’ and worryin’, I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I’m tired, boss. Tired of bein’ on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we’s coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the bullpen everyday. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?

  • JL3

    Why is our best hitter bunting?

  • J

    So he doesn’t ground into a DP lol

  • John Matrix

    i really cant even believe this

  • J

    WHY THE FUCK IS HE STEALING UGHHHH. Wow.

  • Greenman!

    lol nice one Juan, ugh

  • CTM

    This has got to be the most insanely frustrating game ever.

  • Greenman!

    WE CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT ANYMORE@!!!!!

  • Phils Phan

    Juan Castro, you ignorant slut.

  • Phils Phan

    We ought to send a scarecrow to bat for Schneider.

  • Keegan

    This feels remarkably like the Phils are just biding their time until the Reds score and they can go home.

  • Greenman!

    it looks like something just went up the pitchers ass

  • PhillyPhanInChi

    @ Keegan – As much as I WANT to disagree, I really can’t….

  • Ray Liotta

    Do it again Jimmy! Please!

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Young James we don’t need a home run.

  • JL3

    A single… for Pete’s sake a single!

  • Ray Liotta

    [slipped and died in the shower]

  • John Matrix

    you get NOTHING, you lose, good day sir!

  • Phils Phan

    Little Baby Jesus, with your Young Einstein videos, why do you hate the Fightins?

  • J

    Can they call up Dom Brown to pinch-hit in the 11th?

  • John Matrix

    no one should be smiling in this game. NO ONE

  • Phils Phan

    Fantastic, we’re getting to that point in the ‘pen where it will be a parade of horrors. Nelson Figueroa? You’re up!

  • Sophie

    At the risk of sounding like a moron, I think Nelson’s got this.

  • Greenman!

    lol oh no we only have Baez left! Quick where’s Zagurski!? Check the vending machines!

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Yeesh. Votto.

  • John Matrix

    charlie should put all pitchers up next inning. Doc, hamels, and moyer should bat bottom 11

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Nelson’s the long man so I don’t think we’ll see Baez tonight.

  • Greenman!

    Hold on to your butts.

  • JL3

    @Sophie… you might be right.

  • Phils Phan

    @ Greenman!

    Zagurski is sitting by the team bus eating a pile of bag lunches.

    /NoYellingOnTheBus!’d

  • http://www.inphillywetrust.blogspot.com joe wade (IPWT)

    remember when jim thome basically won the game for the twins a few weeks back? well….

    … nevermind.

  • J

    Figgy is amazing. I could hug him right now.

  • Greenman!

    @phils phan that killed me

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Nellie Figgs can be a viable bullpen part when used properly. Not too little, not too much, just the right amount.

  • LeBron James

    Hey I just want to let all of you know that I personally made sure that absolutely no Marlins fans show up for their home games in the first 3 months next season. Also, I will announce tomorrow who my favorite MLB player is… stay tuned

  • Jayson Werth

    Don’t worry I won’t get a hit again

  • Phils Phan

    @ LeBron James:

    That’s only seven people.

  • Jayson Werth

    bcause I’m getting walked! I’m so dangerous Dusty! Look out!

  • Juan Castro

    I feel disrespected.

  • LeBron James

    also, I EAT COCK

  • J

    FUCKER.

  • Phils Phan

    Wonderful AB, Juan.

  • Natalie

    Who’s Zagurski? Don’t you mean Ham Porter?

  • TheOtherJim

    Can we trade Castro, Ibanez, and a rosin bag for Cairo?

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Let’s make a future DFA list:

    Castro

  • Greenman!

    Our offense has been ok tonight, I’ve seen some decent at bats but our players have just been plane retarded tonight. I’m looking at you Madson.

  • J

    JAYSON FUCKING WERTH, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • J

    and now he is PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JL3

    Put him on his ass Jayson!

  • CTM

    Looks like someone needs a custom-made popemobile tonight…

  • Greenman!

    was that mooseballs that caught that?

  • J

    There were definitely multiple curse words out of his mouth.

    That whole section looked scared for their lives.

  • Watrick

    Werth screaming at that guy should be a gif….

  • Brad Lidge

    Oh, whatever. Every other reliever gets people out and now I am the bad guy.

  • kanga

    how is this not up on thefightins yet?

  • SherryW

    Werth is a douche to fans anyway, he doesn’t need much encouragement.

  • Greenman!

    I feel kinda bad for the trashy kid with the bad hair cut, but dude pay fucking attention at a baseball game please?

  • OutlawPete

    Poor guy just wanted to catch a ball for his kid. It was a nice catch. Werth shouldn’t have told him off in front of those kids.

  • Phils Phan

    Fightins FTW?

  • Sophie

    I feel bad for green shirt guy. Granted, he was being stupid, but something about that was so depressing.

  • Dubee Dubee Du

    Tickets to the game for your son and yourself ……$130

    Sodas’ Pretzels and hotdogs for 2…………………….$50

    Being an ignoramus in your own ballpark……………PRICELESS!

  • Milt Thompson

    Jayson said that guy told him he was from South Jersey.

  • Phils Phan

    I say let Figgy bat.

  • John Matrix

    Schneider is a likeable guy

  • SherryW

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Phils Phan

    !!!!!!!!!!!!

  • stickaforkin’em

    Schneider!

  • OutlawPete

    look at those fans cheering, such front runners

  • Greenman!

    HOORAY!!!!! only 5.5 games now! thats not so bad right?

  • SherryW

    Oh, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • J

    SCHNEIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Milt Thompson

    SOLO SHOT! THERE YA GO!

  • JL3

    Howard… no. Werth… no. Ibanez… no. Effing Schneider!!!

  • stickaforkin’em

    Finally, someone who use to always hurt us helps us!

  • SherryW

    I love Vic pounding the plate for him!

  • Greenman!

    lol wtf Victorino, impale you with a bat gif fightins please?

  • epiphany1

    About fucking time. This game was brutal. Lidge needs to get it together. They should let Madson kick him.

  • CTM

    That would’ve been hilarious if that bat jab ended up bruising Schneider’s ribs and puts him on the DL. Also hilarious would be me immediately swan diving off the roof of my house.

    Oh, and Sarge completely no-sells Schneider getting pied.

  • Phils Phan

    “It’s all about using your hands.” – Schneider

    I told my grandmother that. She insisted I would go blind.

  • http://www.goldenphila.com maria

    I hated seeing Jayson Werth yelling at that guy and his son.

  • Dusty Baker

    WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK WAS THAT? There’s puke all over the floor up there. And that smell! I had Joey Votto open both doors but that smell’s not going out for five damn years that’s what I’m bettin’. And that asshole, Bruce, is singing about it. You can hear him up there!

  • John Matrix

    Overall a lousy game. Good ending though

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