How can you be taken seriously while eating an ice cream cone while wearing that piece of shit?

I see your schwartz is a big as mine

He looks like he’s got a little A-Rod in the face in that pic…

@Dutch Daulton Tan You may have a great spin off for a blog with that post…

Just sayin’

maybe chooch will find the power stroke he lost after his last full stint in AAA

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Correction – Dom Brown does not “hit”, he simply waves his bat through the strikezone, and directs the pitch with his mind.”

Not to be an asshole, but isn’t that what “hitting” is?

You know, swinging a bat through the strikezone and, by use of your mind, hitting the ball?

If Polanco wore one of those, would it look normal?

@ Dubee, that is exactly what i thought when i saw the photo. I can just imagine the lil panamanian finishing his twist soft serve with extra sprinkles in the on deck circle, popping that bad boy on and swinging away.

Chooch totally fucking Baskin Robins that helmet, and pours fucking huge sundaes in there.

He should show up at CBP with like giant vats of ice cream, and pour it on the opposing team…and if he’s feeling extra rowdy maybe chew off their ice cream covered heads!

yankees suck i hate you

Chooch also has a gigantic roman war helmet in his trousers.

Regards,

Amandah

Jeff Carter and Jayson Werth like to Cuckold teammates

Is that gonna happen at the ESPN special tonight? thats the only way ill tune in

@BJ- i’m not believing that but i’m believing everything else i wrote. also, i heard werth banged south carolina republican gubernatorial candidate nikki haley. also, i heard he banged al gore’s massage therapist.

@defenestrate- seriously, i know this isn’t the forum for basketball, but fuck that self-absorbed asshole. how do they stretch “i’m signing with whoever” into a fucking hour. i hope he has to get microfracture surgery on both knees.

at least the knicks will still blow.

The guys at Fangraphs (let me remind you, they hate the Phillies) think Dom Brown is comparable to Vlad Guerrero, Josh Hamilton, Juan Gonzalez and Tim Salmon.

This guys the real deal

I hope Chooch offers Dom Brown a ride back with him to Philly when his stint is through.

*he can stretch

cg Dobber

…too bad you still suck!

I dunno if we’re ready for Chooch to come back. Dane’s got what, 3 solo homeruns? Hawaiian guys who hit solo shots are our bread and butter.

The other night, though, Chooch says to me “Milt, wanna go get some puss?” and I was like hell yeah, haven’t done that since Pat left, and I put on my best cologne and borrowed Shane’s Ed Hardy Shirt and everything, turns out we were just going to the carvel and splittin a cookiepuss ice cream cake. So now I filled the clubhouse fridge with them and when Chooch comes back, whenever he hits a solo HR, he’s gonna “get some puss”

this didn’t warrant its own post, but when pat burrell cleared waivers and signed a minor league deal with the giants, he honored that deal by playing (and tearing it up) for a week in fresno before coming up to san francisco (where, it’s worth noting, he’s hitting .305 with 5 HR and 11 RBI in 94 PA … i have no idea what his WAR is). anyway, here’s a pic of him in fresno with his dark helmet: http://www.flickr.com/photos/joepun/4672750006/

also, squirrelboy, give me a break, man. innumerable stupid ideas have started in the name of safety. the fact that every single 1B/3B coach in every level of baseball has to wear a helmet was the result of ONE INCIDENT in which an unlucky 3B coach got drilled in the head and died. a freak accident, very sad, but one which (to my knowledge) had NEVER happened in the 130 years of baseball before it. and every coach has to wear an ice cream helmet on their head because of it? terrible. just like the NHL requiring every single team to erect a mesh on both ends of the ice because of ONE INCIDENT in columbus frickin ohio, noted hockey town that it is, in which a little girl who wasn’t paying attention got killed from an errant puck. and i wouldn’t be surprised if MLB makes every team reevaluate their railings as a result of the unfortunate dude in texas who fell after the foul ball.

cyclists ride upwards of 60 mph on downhills in the tour de france, and they wear foam-and-plastic helmets that weigh less than a banana. there’s no reason MLB can’t implement some similar technology for safer helmets and NOT have every player look like a fucking lollipop (or david wright).

I don’t care what Chooch is wearing. I just want him back in Philly.

The pitchers need him. The team needs his intensity.

Come back, Chooch. Please.

BJ – this shit was printed in papers.

Next thing you know Eskin or Rosenthal will be asking the players about it. God it’ll be on TMZ.

Ol’ Eddie Wade is creating drama in the Phillies locker room, and Brett Myers isn’t even involved!

beelove – that picture of Burrell makes him look 10 years younger. Tell the ladies.

It’s not just the one death that the helmets are for. It’s reducing concussions as well. Now that someone has looked around and counted how many former NFL players die in their 40s and 50s, they’re taking concussions a lot more seriously in all sports. The helmets are goofy looking, but if everyone were wearing them I bet most people would forget about it in half a season. It’s not like they’re making half an inning four outs or something.

The Astros used to dress like this and people got over it.
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slideshows/801/slideshow_80106/display_image.jpg

“e) Jenn Utley is an animal rights person and WERTH HUNTS. Duh…. ”

So Jen could have really taken a liking to Jayson’s schnauzer.

*KIDDING*

I heard that the Phanatic got sued for dry-humping Chooch’s Turkey Hill ice cream.

Whyyyyyyyy are you still here MooseBalls… why?

So out of curiousity i googled julia werth and got a link to this site http://www.playerwives.com/mlb/philadelphia-phillies/jayson-werths-wife-julia/
Check out the “Fun Facts” section. Yeah that must have been a real “fun” time for Jayson and Julia! Lol

@beelove I’d rather have my players protected from a 100 MPH fastball like the new helmets do then the only 70 MPH the older helmets do. I don’t care how they look, as long as their safe.

I heard that Lebron rumor also. Do we really have a chance? What time does he announce his choice? That would be awesome wouldn’t it? I M SO STOKED!!!!!!! Do you think Lebron will like mooseballs too?

How come no one is talking about Shane calling out Phillies fans? Will he be booed tonight?

i would boo shane for being a bitch crybaby. worry about winning games not about drunk hecklers.

He has a point, that Shane. I have been critical and as long as he plays like he is currently, I will continue to do so.

But, he is talking about the more vocal of the detractors…the one’s perhaps with less social grace and upbringing. So, that doesn’t warrant anything but a silent knod. Because…ya know, he’s right about the last two years. The fans are right about this year. But no one is qualified to berated any of these players in that manner.

So do any of you genius stat nuts that love sabermetrics and other stats want to figure out the Phillies HR/FB rate and then their opponents in any park? Seems like they are crushing alot of balls this year that are either warning track flyouts or high off the wall regardless of the ballpark.

I have no penis

Meh, if they trade Werth to get Lee back that’d be stupid. Lee needs run support too and the Phillies aren’t hitting good enough for anyone.

Were all a bunch of juvenile idiots.

We dont even know who we are fighting with… and dont know about apostrophes

Oh man, sorry about that. I thought it was Todd Herremans for real. I even emailed Andy and was like “Listen, it’s bad enough you always try to upstage us, but keep your players in line” and he wrote back and was all “Who’s Milt Thompson?” like he doesn’t rememeber my catch in 93.

Do you think Lebron will know how to use apostrophes? I bet he remembers Milts catch in 93. He’s gonna be so great to have on the Sixers. This will make us all forget the pain of losing Dalembert. I’m so glad Lebron likes mooseballs or we would have never had a prayer of landing him.

It’s Buster Olney saying it. Do we believe it? Okay the immediate sports world has picked up Olney’s unsubstantiated crapola & spread it ’round the globe in less than a nano second, but:
is it true; or
are is Rube just seeing if JDub is worth more in trade than they think he’ll cost to re-sign in this slump?
I really hate this time of year.

Greenman- Could you check your sources and confirm whether my ring is still lodged in Mooseballs ass? He was supposed to have had it removed by the end of spring training. Damn guy has already made me postpone my retirement tour. I better have it back by the Allstar break or Mooseballs loses his clubhouse pass.

I don’t even want to know how the ring got there, Larry.

Someone suggest a good PC game to play. I’m bored as fuck.

Defense Grid on Steam. Best tower defense game ever.

Bozo, Home Run Rally. Just hit solo shots all day.

Home run rally is hard….

Bozo, that’s the point I’ve been trying to make! You can’t even hit a solo homer consistently in a video game, so stop ripping on the team!

I feel like I let thefightins down by not wearing my Choooooch shirt to that game last night.

So I heard this crazy rumor that Ron Jeremy banged all the Phillies players wives, and that’s the real reason why the team is so awful.

Can anyone confirm/deny besides Buster Olney?

For the Phillies to be playing as bad as they are, Ron Jeremy would have had to have banged all of them.

MJM, so what you’re saying is that it wasn’t a Milt Thompson catch.

Would be hard to rob a homer against this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/51641583@N07/4775099713/sizes/l/

BTW, one of his homers last week hit that service electric sign.

Oh, and Chris you can mock the opposing pitchers now, since the Phillies fucking blow either way.

In the words of Digital Underground, DoWatchaLike.

TonyisD- Don’t flatter yourself thinking our jinx calling had any effect on Chris.

He was taking a little Wild Turkey holiday and just posted late to bust balls.

As he should be… anyone who’s given up on this team, should have their Fan-card revoked.

I’m frustrated, I’m angry, I’m not feeling as certain about them as I did earlier. But I’m far from given up on them.

Yeah, Swift.

I talked about not having as much fanatical interest in them for a bit, especially in a 4-game series against a crazy offense like the Reds, but here I am tonight, planning on watching the game.

I must be a true fan or masochistic.

Choochi Man

I’ll never give up. From Tony Longmire, Kevin Sefcik and Nelson Figueroa to Wilson Valdez, Dane Sardhina and Nelson Figueroa I’m here to stay.

This season has been exhausting though.

Didn’t Nelson pitch well yesterday? Didn’t he nicely get out of a jam?

Not even surprised

Tony Longmire! Man, we could use hit bat in our lineup! Especially when he got on steroids in 95-96. Glenn Murray too, he hit like 45HRs in AAA but then Jim was like “Do you juice” and Glenn was like “no sir” and stopped and hit like 3. But back on the juice? He could hit a ton of solo shots.

I mean, the only reason they juiced in the first place was because Fregosi hates brothers so they had to become power hitters in order to sniff the field, but still, it’d be nice to have em.

I’ve been calling Hard Hittin’ Mark Whitten all year but he won’t answer the phone.

Holy shit guys!

Breaking news out of TMZ is that Lebron James signed with Olympicos in the Greek League for 40 MM a year.

lebron είναι στοργή μου μερικά ευρώ ευχαριστώ Γερμανία!

RIP Mr. Maje McDonald a great Phillies fan.

Damn. Both Tony Longmire AND Glenn Murray hung up on me.

Anyone got Billy McMillin’s number? He hit that grand slam in his first at-bat. We could use him.

@ Votto – What is this “boom box” you speak of?

……….What the fuck just HAPPENED?!

LOLReds

Allow me Milt.
The truth of the matter Mr Votto is that our Phillies starting players have all been to the All Star game with the exception of Ruiz. Chooch would have easily made it had he not hurt his shoulder earlier but I digress.
Anyway Mr. Votto having been there and done that these players have all chosen to pardon the expression “tank it”, excepting of course Howard who didn’t want to disappoint Barry after spending all that time with him this winter.
You see the Phillies KNOW they are still the team to beat, so taking this allstar break off was worth falling behind in the standings.
After the vacation break the Phillies will be right back where they belong.

Please tell me that someone can get the screengrab of Cueto grabbing Victorino’ D.

Isnt Quato that guy from Total Recall?

haha. Benny SCREW YOU!!!!!

Benny was like the Shawn Kemp of Mars Taxi Drivers.

That chick that houser was doing was like the jennifer utley of mars.

Who needs action?

does that make Richter the werth of Mars?

@ Votto – Make like a tree, and get outta here

every night i come on here and post 80s movie stuff, finally some response!

Is Kyle Kendrick our new stopper?

Finally you picked one people saw Matrix, not everyone followed gay porn back then.

How is old Kurt Waldheim Jr doing these days?

Cole, I’ll give you 3-1 that Bosh is the Jew, and 4-1 that Lebron’s mom is a squirter.

@ Cole Handsome:

I wish I could give you +10 for that one.

John Matrix, you and I should have a solo HR hitting contest right now. I can beat you, I don’t need no bat! I can beat you!

I hate Hawaiians

I’ll gut you Matrix!

Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?

That’s none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

Fuck you asshole!

Hats off to Kendrick, but does Cholly have such a boner for Madson that he’s bringing Kyle out too early?

Matrix, you can be my wingman any day

charlie’s practicing his early hooks for the all star game

Looks like someone won’t be seeing mine tonight.

wtf Werth

I hate hooters

^RedsGayBikerCatcher- weren’t you the guy in Village People?

Hey, anybody remember me?

Just curious.

Charlie told me next time I get mad to just kick Blanton in the ass instead.

Oh Madson, it’s like you never left!

(not a huge fan of his)

WHAT THE FUCK

Because it has to be done…

LOLPhils

Seriously Stocker. WTF?

wow….that is all that needs to be said.

YEAH LET ME JUST RUN 100 FEET OFF THE MOUND TO GET THIS BALL AND OH WAIT NO ONES COVERING HOME…

Fuck you Madson.

That’s the Phillies season in a nutshell.

If it wasn’t for Madson’s 95 mph heater and his changeup, he would be making my taco.

Just sayin’, that chair over there looks pretty tempting, doesn’t it Madson? It’s just BEGGING to be punted…

do you think madson will twitter an apology to kendrick for fucking him?

Once again, Valdez decides to do all the work around here.

WILSON! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-zaO-hUYag

It’s a bit humid and moist around here if you’re asking me in the future.

here we go again.

could totally take a run right now…seriously!

@ Phils Phan – Thanks, now I have to go back to therapy again…

Hey, kid, they haven’t got you in the nut ward again?

Crazy! I mean like so many positive waves maybe we can’t lose! You’re on!

That ain’t my fault, Oddball. I’ve done nothing but have good thoughts about that single ever since we got here.

I applaud folks’ taste in film.

I just felt my daughter move for the first time!!!

She’s got good timing Matrix, congrats

Time for Lidge to give me a trademark heart attack.

Look, Votto, you and us? We’re just ballplayers, right? We don’t even know what this game’s all about. All we do is we swing and we strike out and for what? We don’t get anything out of it. In about a half a minute Lights Out Lidge gonna be comin’ down that grass patch. Why don’t you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?

@Matrix There is a possibility that I could be the real father

I’m drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays, you know, Lidge ‘ll get done baby.

Again, I love you all. Anyone who’s into Kelly’s Heroes and the Fightins is welcome at my home any time.

Werth, that was low. real low.

Dear Lidge,

I have stuck up for you for far too long. You bomb this shit here I’m going to have to talk to God about you.

I don’t know the name of the guy who gets blown up by the land mine, but if I did, I’d insert Brad Lidge for one of his lines.

ive got a gun in my mouth

Fucking brilliant.

Were still up………no we aint

wait didn’t Cairo play for us? Oh thats why…

@ Phils Phan:

NOW it is a Phillies season in a nutshell.

Nothing like back to back blown saves….

Sigh…can’t that mole on his face, y’know, go a little malignant?

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but if Cairo can tie the game up with a hit, then Ibanez can get a walk off….

…or not…

Don’t worry guys, I don’t got this

lidge has sucked the life out of this team and this stadium tonight.

Wonder how long the Phils will stick with lidge….3 of the last 4 appearances blown saves…the guy is a shell of his 2008 self…..

Have you ever heard of a tune up, he he he he

Yeah Howard, you definitely won’t get a ball a mile off the plate with the count 1-2 or 0-2.

It’s a little something I like to call “shitting the bed”

i forgot about paul bako

Oh yay, with the way every other extra inning game has gone this year, I can’t wait to see how this one turns out!

Fuck you very much Brad Lidge. You’re the fucking antithesis of a closer.

Everyone forgot about Paul Bako

And I’m wearing my disappointed face–because we all know what’s next.

Ibanez and Howard had 2 of the worst ABs I’ve ever seen from them.

I don’t know about this now. Gotta rely on the bullpen and our bottom of the order now….. *crosses fingers*

there has to be better WBmason commercials than this one

Matrix there is no such thing as better WB Mason commercial. They’re just worse, worser and worsest.

Boss Lidge you tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin’ and worryin’, I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I’m tired, boss. Tired of bein’ on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we’s coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I’m tired of people being ugly to each other. I’m tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the bullpen everyday. There’s too much of it. It’s like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?

So he doesn’t ground into a DP lol

WHY THE FUCK IS HE STEALING UGHHHH. Wow.

This has got to be the most insanely frustrating game ever.

Juan Castro, you ignorant slut.

This feels remarkably like the Phils are just biding their time until the Reds score and they can go home.

@ Keegan – As much as I WANT to disagree, I really can’t….

Young James we don’t need a home run.

[slipped and died in the shower]

Little Baby Jesus, with your Young Einstein videos, why do you hate the Fightins?

no one should be smiling in this game. NO ONE

At the risk of sounding like a moron, I think Nelson’s got this.

Yeesh. Votto.

Nelson’s the long man so I don’t think we’ll see Baez tonight.

@Sophie… you might be right.

remember when jim thome basically won the game for the twins a few weeks back? well….

… nevermind.

@phils phan that killed me

Hey I just want to let all of you know that I personally made sure that absolutely no Marlins fans show up for their home games in the first 3 months next season. Also, I will announce tomorrow who my favorite MLB player is… stay tuned

@ LeBron James:

That’s only seven people.

I feel disrespected.

FUCKER.

Who’s Zagurski? Don’t you mean Ham Porter?

Let’s make a future DFA list:

Castro

JAYSON FUCKING WERTH, PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Put him on his ass Jayson!

was that mooseballs that caught that?

Werth screaming at that guy should be a gif….

how is this not up on thefightins yet?

I feel kinda bad for the trashy kid with the bad hair cut, but dude pay fucking attention at a baseball game please?

Fightins FTW?

Tickets to the game for your son and yourself ……$130

Sodas’ Pretzels and hotdogs for 2…………………….$50

Being an ignoramus in your own ballpark……………PRICELESS!

I say let Figgy bat.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schneider!

HOORAY!!!!! only 5.5 games now! thats not so bad right?

SCHNEIDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Howard… no. Werth… no. Ibanez… no. Effing Schneider!!!

I love Vic pounding the plate for him!

About fucking time. This game was brutal. Lidge needs to get it together. They should let Madson kick him.

“It’s all about using your hands.” – Schneider

I told my grandmother that. She insisted I would go blind.

WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK WAS THAT? There’s puke all over the floor up there. And that smell! I had Joey Votto open both doors but that smell’s not going out for five damn years that’s what I’m bettin’. And that asshole, Bruce, is singing about it. You can hear him up there!