The Fightins'
Jun
05
2013
Bob Davidson talks about that runner interference call
Posted by at 11:44 am ET 3 Comments

Can you imagine if we lived in a world where umpires were accountable for their actions?  Last night, Bob Davidson made a runner interference call on Ben Revere so egregiously vacant of an actual violation, he reignited Phillies fans’ passion for channeling their self-loathing onto a singular third party.

Fortunately, a transcript of the exceedingly rare press conference with Davidson following the game was made available to this web site after I made it up.

[.gif, as with all .gifs, comes from Bill Baer]

REPORTER: Bob, what did you think when you called Ben Revere for runner interference in the eighth inning?

BOB:  Right, well, I thought, man, there’s not really a whole lot going on tonight.  And then I looked up and saw Ben Revere sliding head first into second base and I was like ‘Whoa, interference.’

REPORTER: You saw interference?

BOB: Yes.

REPORTER: What was it?

BOB:  Well, he led with his head.  You can’t lead into the base with your head.

REPORTER:  Isn’t that a head first slide?

BOB:  [patronizing laugh, elbows nearby man as if to say, ‘you hearin’ this?’]

REPORTER:  That wasn’t an answer.

BOB:  Look, the human skull is the hardest bone in the body.  That’s the first thing they teach you at umpiring school.

REPORTER:  You’re saying a head first slide is runner interference if the runner has a skull?

BOB:  No, I’m saying that he swatted at the fielder with his hand.

REPORTER:  That’s not… what you just said…

BOB:  Right.  I changed it, just now.  Sounded better.

REPORTER:  At what point did Revere touch the second baseman?

BOB:  When he was sliding into second.  [Again elbows guy.  Guy leaves.]

REPORTER:  What I mean is, in the replay, it doesn’t look like that’s what happened.

BOB:  Look, I know what I saw.  And what I saw was Philadelphia Phillies center fielder Ben Revere, stand up, scream something violently sexual at the second baseman, and try to bite him in the jugular.

REPORTER:  What?

BOB:  I’m a hero, really.  Saving lives out there on the diamond.  People should write a book about me.  ”Balkin’ Bob Saves the Day.”  ”Balkin’ Bob” is my nickname.  Because I call balks when I’m bored.

REPORTER:  Now you’re accusing Revere of attempted cannibalism?

BOB:  Look, I don’t know what’s going through a player’s head when he tries to eat an opposing player on the field.  I just know it’s my job to keep people safe out there.  If people aren’t in the stands to see me clench my fists, wave my arms, or wear a shit-eating grin, then what are they coming to the games for?  I ask you.

REPORTER:  Your job is to make the calls.  Technically, umpires are part of the field.

BOB:  Well, who knows what an umpire’s job is.  Not me, certainly.

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