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May
06
2010
Posted by at 9:19 am ET 22 Comments

I’ll give you a hint — it was one of the managers in last night’s 4-0 Phillies victory over the Cardinals and it was not the guy who got a DUI after falling asleep in his truck because he drank three beers nor was it the guy who continues to bat his pitchers eighth even though it’s a stupid idea.

You guessed it, Charlie Manuel!

May
05
2010
Posted by at 6:53 pm ET 29 Comments

Following his dramatic walkoff homer in the 10th inning against the Cardinals last night, Chooch Ruiz had the honor of speaking with Sarge after the game when Shane Victorino and Greg Dobbs took it upon themselves to each give Carlos a pie to the face. He’s so cute during interviews!

I couldn’t help but post it:

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May
05
2010
Posted by at 2:17 pm ET 55 Comments

Hey, guess what? The Phillies bullpen sucks, that’s what.

But I’m sure you didn’t need me to tell you that. Through twenty-six games so far this year, the pen (collectively) has a gaudy 4.46 ERA with 4 blown saves. As a matter of fact, the only two guys who have been worth a damn are Chad Durbin (12.1 IP, 2.19 ERA, 0 HR allowed, 9K, 5 BB) and Jose Contreras (7.2 IP, 1.17 ERA, 1 HR allowed, 14 K, 0 BB), but the rest of them? Garbage.

The worst of the bunch — BY FAR — has been Danys Baez. Let’s put it this way — In 10 IP in 2010, Danys has given up 9 earned runs; in 49 IP, Roy Halladay has given up 8. Now, I guess you could use that stat to point out how good Roy has been, but for the purposes of this post I want it to exemplify how sucky Baez has been.

Okay, now here’s the important question: Why have they been this bad? Is it some bad luck BABIP maneuver that will eventually even itself out? Is it a case of the dreaded “noodle arm?” Is it because they do dumb shit like kick a metal chair when they get aggravated?

Perhaps some of that plays into their suckage, but reader Chris Hoffman may have found a simpler reason:

I was out in Arizona last weekend for a couple of games and sat by the bullpen for one of them. I think I figured out the cause of the struggles they’ve been having. Check out the pictures, I think the team needs a new nutritionist.

You heard the man, check out the pictures.

A closer look:

DEAR LORD, THAT’S AN ENTIRE COOLER BAG FILLED WITH CANDY!

If they’re not giving up runs, they’re gorging themselves with Nestle Crunch bars!

Now that I think about it, that’s probably the reason DJ Fatty Fat waddled out near the bullpen last night. He probably sniffed out their stash from Section 135. Now whip yourselves into shape, bullpen! Because at this rate, you’ll all be a bunch of Dennys Reyes’ by year’s end.

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R.I.P Harry Kalas