The Fightins'
Atlanta Braves President John Schuerholz whines about CBP
Posted by at 9:00 am ET 95 Comments

(It’s a well-known fact that both Elton John & John Schuerholz LOVE Cox)

In a pre-emptive strike to counter the impending DOOM which is about to be cast upon the Atlanta Braves at Citizens Bank Park this week, their President John Schuerholz decided to take the Brian McCann route and trash our small-dimensioned ballpark.

Yawn: (via Bob Brookover, Inqy)

“When they built that damn ballpark, we didn’t have a prayer. They started printing money and hitting shorter home runs.”

Last I checked, when the Phillies play another team at Citizens Bank Park, it’s the same distance to a home run for both squads. As a matter of fact, if Dave Montgomery was as big of a bitch as John Schuerholz, he could argue that the Braves building their team to suit the rather large dimensions of Turner Field is just as big of an advantage (even moreso?) as the Phillies have.

Do you have any idea which team has the largest discrepancy in their home/road record?

THE ATLANTA BRAVES THAT’S WHO. And it sure as hell isn’t because of their fans showing up.

Settle down, Schuerholz. Lose the division like a man.

  • Smurphette

    What a douche. Really? Its like Howard Eskin fed him his info.

  • SJ Will

    hahahaha i absolutely love this.

    fuck you braves

  • Wheels

    Your jealous of our crooked numbers

  • Derek

    Can’t wait to see the Braves suck a lot of Cox tonight at CBP. Too bad I work and can’t be at the game. Would’ve been great to watch another Hamels beatdown.

  • joe l

    WTF is going on in the background wall?

  • Greg

    Too bad wins aren’t decided by who hits the most hr’s

  • Poster Nutbag

    i also recall that turner field was built in the mid-90s. why couldn’t the braves stadium have the same stimulative effect on the fanbase as CBP? oh, right, because atlanta sports fans are easily the worst in the country.

    god, i can’t wait to send them home with their tail between their legs. hopefully this week will make sherman’s march look like a fucking gay pride parade.

  • The Lone Filafel

    He is complaining about the movable outfield walls, that secretly move back when an opposing team is batting, and move forward when the Phillies are at bat. You would think that people would have caught on by now since, between every half inning someone tells “hey look at that” and points to the sky to distract the 50,000+ people at every game.

  • tofoomeister

    Park factor sorted by HR. CBP: 9th; Shit is Braves Country: 14th.

  • T Mac’s Nipples

    stop hating Schuerholz

  • will.H

    CBP is 9th in HR’s per game this season.. not so bad.

    CBP was 16th in HR’s per game last season, not bad at all.

    CBP was 12th in HR’s the year before (the year we won the world series). ah well, maybe he has a point. (fart noise)

  • will.H

    so in other words,

    .12 more HR’s per game at CBP this year. haha, someone tell him

  • TonyIsDynamic

    Ugh. I think an edit to this post is needed. I forgot all about the Nationals commentators from last night:

    This is why I like the announcers we have. That NEVER make themselves more important than the game with stupid bullshit comments like that. That’s just fucking unprofessional.

  • will.H

    haha tony, i wonder what they said about Werths HR over a 21 foot fence 409 feet from homeplate.

  • PhilEPhan

    Rally towels and mock chop tonight!!! Let’s bring it peoples!!!

  • Natalie
  • Bozo

    What fucking homesexual faggotic retards. I hope they get fucking buried into the ground this series.

  • Bozo

    I was without internet for most of the day yesterday if you’re wondering where I was by the way.

  • zmitch

    John Schuerholz just earned himself a 40 lb box of rape.

    He better bring his own lube bc the Fightins sure ain’t.

  • Tony Montana

    I bury those cock-a-roaches.

  • shipsass

    @WillH – I had the displeasure of watching the game on MASN2 yesterday. Bob Carpenter and Ray Knight were jerks for most of the game. Did you know Adam Dunn would hit 60HRs a year, and Ryan Zimmerman 40, if they played their home games at CBP? However, they were gracious about Jayson Worth’s no-doubter.

    The funniest thing about the weekend of Nationals commentators was how terrified they are of Raúl Ibañez. “Why does this man keep beating us like a drum?”

  • ArkansasFred

    Monday Night’s (Alright for Fightins).

  • Joe D

    Seriously, the complaints about CBP are very very very very tired.

    Dear John,
    When Atlanta played in that massive dump known as Turner Field they brought in the best arms to play to the bigger park. Also, not sure if you’ve watched any Phillies games this year since you are too busy counting all 15 fans in your park but this team has some pretty damn good pitching…and believe it or not these guys have to pitch in CBP! Crazy!

    Let’s take a look you giant douchebag….

    Hamels – 16 GS – 2.99 ERA – 14 HR (10 on the road)
    Halladay – 17 GS – 2.12 ERA – 11 HR (12 on the road)
    Oswalt (lifetime at CBP) 9 GS – 2.34 ERA – 6 HR

    But yeah John, point taken.

    We also have the park factor stats which show that CBP has been consistently regressing to the mean.

    Keep up the good work Braves. I hope you brought your tampons for this sweep you are about to be handed.

  • Joe D

    I meant Fulton County…not Turner Field.

  • itsStephGrace

    It’s a good sign when the opposing team starts making excuses for their performance even before the series has started. Sweep?

    Take your balls out of your purse, John.

  • Joe D

    Give me 7:05 right now.

  • Matt

    idk bout this year but they hit more homers on the road then at cbp last year so it really makes no sense

  • bernie

    John Schuerholz is right!

    Look at the Phillies W/L records since the strike. They were below .500 every year…until 2001 when they mysteriously started playing better baseball…the same year The Bank opened! So their recent run of success is 100% because of the park they play in.

    Oh wait, you’re telling me the Bank didn’t open until 2004…3 seasons after the Phils started to improve and 3 seasons before they started their playoff run. Schuerholz, you are an idiot.

    1995 69 75
    1996 67 95
    1997 68 94
    1998 75 87
    1999 77 85
    2000 65 97
    2001 86 76
    2002 80 81
    2003 86 76
    2004 86 76
    2005 88 74
    2006 85 77
    2007 89 73
    2008 92 70
    2009 93 69

  • SweeneysWeenies

    the funny thing is everyone calls CBP a “Bandbox” when Yankees Stadium is a 100 times smaller then the phillies stadium…all you heard last year was how it was weird how damon had so many homers hahaha? Texiera had a broken bat Homer against us that still went like 10 rows deep…he also had the game winner on a line drive hit that went out against the twins in the playoffs last year. I think CBP is around 330 on the corners and Yankees Stadium is 315 or something…but it seems like no one bitches about that stadium

  • NAts suck

    Oh and I lived in MD for the summer this year so i had to watch the commentators of the Nats when the phillies played and thank god Dibble got fired he was the biggest Homer ive ever seen as an announcer. He would always talk about how the phillies arent really that good and how the nats are actuallly better. When zimmerman hit that walk-off off Lidge he said that he knew the nats would win because the nats and phillies have around the same talent and if the phillies come back all the time so can the Nats…it was brutal to listen to those annoucers. He would also complain about how Halladay doesnt throw strikes and gets all the calls while the nat pitchers dont…freaking the biggest tool out there other then the marlins announcers

  • Joe D

    People who bitch about CBP are less of a man than Elton John. Period.

  • James Fayleez



  • Eric

    @31 – to be fair, EVERYBODY complains about how small Yankee stadium is. It’s actually greatly surpassed the CBP talk at this point. We know we have a bit of a cartoonish ballpark, but the Yankees just get laughed at for their dimensions.

  • Jay Ballz

    The Braves have always bitched about CBP. Like others have said, both teams play there, so both teams should have the same advantages. Phillies pitchers don’t have trouble there.

    Roy H – 2.12 ERA at home, 2.97 on the road this yr.

    Roy O- 2.12 ERA at CBP this yr.

    Joe Blanton- 4.40 ERA at home, 5.82 on the road this yr.

    Hamels- 2.99 ERA at home, 3.02 on the road this yr.

    Moyer- 3.77 ERA at home, 5.96 on the road this yr.

    KK is the only starter with a higher ERA at home.

  • will.H

    Yankee Stadium is 314 down the line.. and I know what you’re thinking… Yes, it’s shorter than most high school fields. Teixeira hit 2 more broken bat homers this season. I think Swisher had one too.

  • Gabrielle

    My last season ticket game tonight – I’m sad, but I’m effin PUMPED. AND it’s Dollar Dog Night – this may go down as the best Monday in the history of Mondays.

  • will.H

    D plan eh?

  • http://philliesnation phillyboy

    we will crush the braves tonight!!!!!

  • pozzo

    According to a source close to Schuerholz: “Werth’s homer was a cupcake. Real men pull the ball.”

  • I’ll Puke on You if You Tase Me

    I didn’t think it was possible for me to hate the Braves any more than I already did. Then this guy shoots off his mouth. What kind of team/fanbase can’t even fill their park in September of a division race. Atl is a joke. This week we remind them of where they belong.

  • Adam Eaton

    Doosh knuckle.

  • michael

    @31 yankee stadium is 318 to the left field corner and 314 to the right field corner.

  • Greenman!

    I’m going to see Roy tomorrow and Roy the day after, never seen either pitch so I’m pumped. I always seem to catch Hamels which isn’t terrible but I’ve had my share of watching Blanton in person.

  • JFE

    The Yankee Stadium dimensions are way too small. And @35, who complains about them? I’d like to see a reference to that.

    Also, did anybody notice Wagner’s comment right below Scheurholz?

    “It’s pretty obvious that ballpark really gives the Phillies a real comfort zone,” Wagner said. “Big Ryan [Howard] doesn’t need it. He could hit it out of Yellowstone, but it makes a big difference in the confidence. Their hitters are extraordinary. I think people will look back over a 10-year stretch and say, ‘It was no fun rolling in against those guys because everybody is a threat.’ ”

    Yeah Wags, we also remember when you were giving up homeruns to the Astros and Reds during those years we let one September after another slip away. Hopefully, you’ll give up some more.

  • Poster Nutbag

    i also think he is jealous because we have 1 WS win out of 2 trips to the fall classic. they won the division SIXTEEN TIMES IN A ROW and only have 1 WS to show for it.

    now, 16 division championships is good and all, but you need more to show for it than that.

  • Jar

    On 610 Gargano just read Charlie the Schuerholz qoute. Charlie’s response? “I tell my players champions can hit anywhere.”


  • What Would Mike Sweeney Do?


    Exactly. Braves fans who want to see every team give Cox a rousing send-off forget that he only managed to win one World Series when he had a boatload of talent year after year and a testicle-hold on the NL East. I’ll always remember as a crotchety underachiever.

  • Braves take it up the ass

    Hamels, Halladay, Oswalt


    GO PHILS!!

  • Joe D

    @48….that is fucking awesome. Cholly just owned the shit out of him.

  • Joe D

    And he probably did so while eating Ponzio’s awesome cinnamon cheese rolls.

  • Eric

    46 – google “yankee stadium too small”. Fairly easy task to find numerous articles. The woe is me Philadelphia thing isn’t really applicable here. Yea people complain about CBP, but just as many complain about Yankee stadium. The trick is to not give a shit.

  • chiggs

    If you go read talking chop, it turns out that all the other teams are laying down for the Phils too, just to screw the Braves.

  • will.H

    actually the braves won 14 in a row, not 16. I know, correcting people is stupid, but i just wanted to clear it up. Sure its impressive.. but Atlanta is a boring sports town. Fourteen divisions in a row and only 1 World Series. Maddux, Glavine, Smoltz? Shoulda won 5, chokers.

  • will.H


    did Wags say anything about Biggio? Probably not, the rat.

  • will.H

    doesnt matter. we will win the nl east. guaranteed. mark my words. awesome tailgate party fightins.

  • TonyIsDynamic

    The Phillies current playoff odds are at 99.4%…

  • JP

    Phillies current odds of being awesome remain at 100%

  • Joe D

    @will.H…they are the Buffalo Bills of baseball.

  • Eric

    Tony stop stealing my statistical informaton!


    Fellas, it was actually the NL *West* where the Braves won all those divisions. Back in the good ol’ days when the Brewers were still in the AL.

  • Morandini’s Triple Play

    I think our parting gift to Cox should be a broom.

  • will.H

    BJ Surhoff

  • Eric

    I think we should heckle him until we get arrested and then blog about it.

  • http://deleted JohnMatrix

    Anybody have one of these?

    My grandfather has one of these at his house still, it says its from 71, a little before my time, but its a good example of the old divisions. I had the one with the really small helmets that was the same concept.

  • Greenman!

    anyone wonder why Yankees fans never point out how many WS wins the Philadelphia Athletics had? aren’t the A’s up to like 11 total? sure it’s no 27 but it just goes to show when a team is old as dirt they can collect up a bunch too.

  • ScottGraham

    What’s great is he takes a shot about “printing money,” meaning the phillies are winning by outspending everyone else. Are they gonna be the Red Sox now and bitch about spending money when the real reason for the success is a commitment to the farm system and having a great core of homegrown talent come together at the same time and being able to get players like Werth at a bargain.

    Honestly, the Phillies didn’t start spending serious money until AFTER they won the world series. Our mid-season pick up was Joe Blanton and our big free agents were Geoff Jenkins and Pedro Feliz, so I dunno what the “printing money” crack was in reference too.

  • don

    The Phillies low A ball team won the Sally League championship. Lots of prospects down there.

  • Franchise

    According to, jair might not start tonite due to knee problems

  • Jay Ballz

    @don…Tons of BlueClaws content on my page. Click on my name.

    I interviewed Amaro the other day, got him talking about all the surprising talent w/ the BlueClaws this season as well as Phillippe Aumont’s disappointing season overall. No surprising info from Amaro, but good to hear him speak an various developmental matters, for those that wish to check it out.

  • Fbomb


  • Deej

    After reading this asshole’s comments, I hope the Phils hit about 10 line drive home runs into the flower bed this series.

  • WIP Caller

    So I think Kolb should start next week!

  • zmitch

    “Champions Can Play Anywere” sounds an awful lot like a sweet ass t-shirt to me. Birdland, I’m looking your way, unless ZWR wants to beat you to the punch.

  • Deej

    And printing money? Theyre able to “print money” because they play in front of 45000 of the best sports fans in the world on a nightly basis. Maybe if you had more the 10000 people a night in your shitty track and field stadium or whatever the fuck it used to be, you could print some of your own.

    Please, to all my fellow diehards heading down to the game tonight, when the boys are kicking the shit out of these frauds, can we please do the chop? Time to show these motherfuckers who this division still belongs too. Lets fucking go Im fired up now

  • Brandon

    Maybe having sellouts for over 100 games in a row has an effect on the amount of home runs hit in the park.

    Dear John Schuerholz, let us know when fans start showing up so we can test this theory.

  • ScottGraham

    The problem with doing the chop is that the Braves announcers will literally think 50,000 Braves fans made the trip to Philadelphia to root on the team. So if you’re gonna do the chop, do it with a retard voice.

  • more fired up than deej

    I’d like to see a “The Roys Want Rings” birdland shirt.

  • Greenman!

    I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to do the chop, its just so ignorant and stupid.

  • http://philliesnation phillyboy


  • http://philliesnation phillyboy


  • I caught a foul ball hit by Abraham Nunez one year while I was drunk with my homies and I was a tad surprised the person next to me didn’t caught it but spilled his beer and crab fries everywhere. While he wasn’t looking I ate it. I’m hungry now!

    “Hate what they can’t conquer.” – an emcee.

  • FanSince09

    I’m actually worried tonight. Hammel has a tendency to crumble in big games.

  • will.H

    anyone hear any injury news on sav rocca or jon dorenbos?

  • all things bacon

    @ 66. It always annoyed me that the Reds were in the western division while the Cubs and the Cards were in the east. Which, in hindsight, I guess is a better idea than messing up the balance of the same number of teams in each league and then instituting interleague play. Thanks for getting the small things right while totally messing up the big things, Bud. Ass. When’s your retirement party?

  • Old Pee-Stained Urinal From Veterans Stadium

    Who’s a bigger dick?

    A) Scott Barry
    B) John Schuerholz
    C) Nyjer Morgan
    D) The Marlins announcers

  • Deej

    Shouldnt that be old pee-stained sink?

  • Carlos Ruiz’s signs flashing to Cole Hamels

    The urinals were taken out prior to demolition and sold as “like new”

  • Brian McCann

    Vet’s Urinals- Morgan because he is black and has the biggest dick.

    I should know.

  • Tedd

    Your jealous…”

    Typical of Philadelphia fans’ literacy.

  • I’ll puke on you if you tase me!

    Dear Tedd,

    Who cares? Just because you love Cox… Go to an Atlanta fan site. Chat with all 9 of their fans. Ass.

  • i can go go go in my hoverround

    do you hear that noise???

    thats me playing the world’s smallest violin

  • MoyerIsMyHero

    Everybody looks for excuses when they are choking. I’m looking forward to sweeping them in Atlanta after this series.

  • Bobby D

    Turner field just looks bigger because all the seats are empty.

  • Watrick

    Wait, weren’t the Braves the team that had a national tv deal with them being on TBS for all those years that Turner owned them, and thus brought in more money-leading to bigger payroll. Sorry we caught up in payroll…

  • PHLinPDX


    why would you say no to the mock chop?
    It worked in 93, it can work now.

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